Project Hop Bower

We're on a roll now, oh yes we are! Having completed Cluckinghen Palace, the next stage of the garden make-over chez nous is to turn the garden swing bench into a relaxation area. We inherited the swing bench from a friend nearly two years ago and currently it is located in the border that is next to the play area of Cluckinghen Palace. It is balanced on four scraps of old paving slab to stop it sinking into the ground and it is starting to look a little weatherbeaten. I have planted the hops bines next to the swing in order to train them over the top of the swing when they get long enough. Already the bines are 9 inches tall which I think is very impressive growth for a month. Better than the British economy anyway.

And as we were sitting on the bench yesterday evening, watching the girls settle into their new abode, we decided that a bit of decorative paving was needed beneath the swing. In my head, I also decided that the swing needs rubbing down and repainting but I'm not going to tell Andy this until I've decided between tangerine and fuschia pink. (I need to gather my thoughts into a battle plan to win him round on this design decision. I suspect I may have to back down and go with something in green or blue). Inside we go to consult the Reader's Digest Book of Home DIY.

'I like that,' I say, pointing to a semi-circle patio, being effortlessly laid by a couple of cartoon drawing people.
'We'd have to check the radius doesn't clash with the projectile sweep of the gates of Cluckinghen Palace,' says Andy, getting all technical. 'Do we need to do anything to the ground before we put the slabs down?'
'It says,' I say, because I am the one in the house who reads instructions for things rather than trying to wing it, 'we need to put down some sort of sub-base.'
'Such as?'
'Sand. And/or hardcore,' I say. 'It depends on potential traffic, weight bearing and soil type.'
'What's the soil type?' asks Andy.
'Tending towards clay,' I say because I've dug a lot of the border and I bloomin' well know it.
'Right. So what's the least we can get away with?' says Andy, who, bless him, is starting to feel the effects of building a chicken palace in two days.
'Levelling the ground and some sand, I reckon,' I say, because all we are going to do is swing on the swing. There is unlikely to be any passing traffic.
'Good,' says Andy.

So we might get started on Project Hop Bower over the Easter break. Depends on the weather. Today, Andy is starting his new, temporary job as Acting Senior Vet. Today he shall be mostly acting it in the style of Richard III due to being unable to walk with a straight posture after his DIY exertions. He toyed with Macbeth and Hamlet but decided to leave those until either a) he needs to get despotic to keep the nurses in order and b) he needs to go gradually mad, a side-effect of fiddling with the rota. I said that if he was going to do rota fiddling he ought to act as the Emporer Nero but he said he didn't think his work colleagues would tolerate him lying around on velvet cushions demanding to be fed grapes.

I reckon after the last few months, being fed on grapes is the least he deserves.