A Hive of Industry

This morning we went bee hive hunting. We were recommended a bee farm which sold all the equipment needed for beekeeping, and which turned out to be not in the place the address suggested.

'Oh, we moved from there,' said the bee people when we pitched up. 'But we liked the name, so we kept it.'

Never mind, we found them. But only because Andy realised he passed by the place every day on his way to work.

The bee people turned out to be very helpful. Having decided to build our own hive (and by 'we' I mean Andy), the bee people suggested two options - cedar or pine. Cedar is more expensive.

'But we've heard it will last longer,' said we.
'Oh yes,' said the bee people. 'A hive made from cedar will far outlive your beekeeping needs.'

Now did they mean 1) we looked like the kind of people who would give beekeeping a go then give up after a year thereby rendering the hive e-bay fodder or 2) that we looked like the kind of people who enjoyed cake a little too much and had about 10 years left in the pair of us max or 3) that cedar hives are extremely hardy and in 2,000 years, an archaeologist will unearth a strange box from the depths of our garden and say 'Hmmmm...National beehive; 2010 if I'm not mistaken'?

We liked to think the latter.

Anyway, we bought the bits for the hive - about 300 pieces of wood and 6,000 nails. We also bought a bee-brush, a hive tool, super frames, brood frames and a Clanger dressed in a suit of armour and carrying a rucksack, I mean a smoker. In a couple of weeks we shall return for bee-suits, inverted sugar, a feeder, a mouse guard and some rather nifty goat leather gauntlets.

Before we went on our way, the bee people gave us a jar of their home grown honey. 'Call us if you need any help, no matter how big or small,' they said. They are nice bee people.

Back home, Andy rigged up his Black and Decker in a manly way in my writing room, because the weather was proving a bit diverse for outside carpentry. He's building away now, as I type. I've left him to it. There's a lot of banging going on, a bit of muttering and occasional swearing as hammer hits thumb instead of nail. But so far, so good - the roof is made and the brood box near completion. I've played a game of 'Robo-Clanger Attacks Cats,' with Tybalt, Pandora and the smoker. The cats weren't impressed and are now sulking on the back of the sofa. It's Pandora's first birthday today; I think she really wanted to go to Chessington World of Adventure and have cake for afters.

Another beekeeping book arrived in the post whilst we were out. This is book number 4 in the Much Malarkey Manor Library Beekeeping section and you'd think they'd all say the same things, but they don't. And the more I read about bees, the more I think it is important to find out as much as you can about them as possible. They are not the kind of creatures you can sling out a couple of hives for and expect them to move in and get on with it. Of course, you mustn't interfere too much, but knowledge is important if you are to be a conscientious guardian of bees. You are, after all, responsible for their health and well-being all the time they are living with you. Bees are not easy; bees are complex. The more knowledge the better, that's what I say.

And it's all very fascinating. True life-long learning.

The bee people said, 'So you've got chickens, and soon you'll have bees. What's next?'

I put my finger to my lips. 'Quail,' I whispered. 'But don't tell Andy.'