One Hundred Thousand Big Ones

Andy came home from work yesterday (like he does) and he said, 'I HAVE A PLAN!' (I write his words in capital letters not because Andy was shouting, well, he was a bit, but because he was excited and I want to convey his excitement without resorting to 'Excitivision TV -for all your exciting television needs.)

'What is your plan?' said I. I thought, we need a plan, because I've had a bit of a narky, aimless day.

'Right,' said Andy. 'Here is the plan. It is a business plan.' He would have done well at my previous school of employment, I thought, where we were Business and Enterprise status, which led to some very tenuous links on the old lesson plans I can tell you. (Once, when I was teaching 'Romeo and Juliet' (the play, not two students called the aforesaid names), it was suggested by the member of senior management who was observing me, that I could link my lesson to business and enterprise by telling the students they could get a package holiday to Verona to see Juliet's balcony. Hmmm...needless to say I didn't heed his advice, nor did I say that actually, Dave, (coz that was his name) no balcony was mentioned in the original script by W.Shakespeare esq., merely a garden. I didn't want him to think I was a pretentious know-it-all.)

'Are you paying attention?' said Andy.
'Yes,' I said, laying aside my washing up gloves, for I was washing up at the time.
'It's a great plan,' said Andy. 'I'm very excited about it.'
'Continue, mon brave,' I said.

'We go to a bank and say we want some money because we are going to buy a bed and breakfast property from which we can run courses in self-sufficiency slash arts and crafts skills slash chicken slash bee keeping and other stuff like that,' said Andy. 'And we can provide conference facilities for outside speakers and you can run educational courses and creative writing retreats and bake cakes...'
'And you will be...' I interjected
'Mine host!' said Andy. 'And running the make a sausage slash hedgerow wine slash elementary carpentry courses.' To his credit, mine host did not mention running sci-fi conferences but I suspect they hover somewhere on the periphery of his keen business mind.

Now, I have to say I, too, was very excited about this business plan. So much so that I have spent a lot of today mulling ideas over in my mind and, more importantly, trying to work out how much extra money we shall need to acquire slash borrow slash steal. I reckon one hundred thousand should do it. Which sounds daunting in some ways, yet oddly achievable in others because I think that once you become driven by a plan, anything is achievable. Also, we have some savings already so we are, actually just over ten per cent of our way towards the target. Plus the two five pound notes I found last week. Minus the thirty pounds I spent yesterday on buying two of the cutest little dresses you've ever seen for Granddaughter Kayleigh who is now 7 weeks and two days old and weighing 11lbs 4 oz.

I said to Andy when he came home from work this evening (like he does) and whilst he was eyeing the vegetarian chilli sans carne with a modicum of suspicion, 'I reckon we'll need one hundred thousand pounds.'
'For what?' said he.

Oh, how quickly they forget, these mine hosts.

'For our business plan,' I said.
'Ah, yes!' said Andy. 'So how are we going to get this money?'
'Well, ' I said, 'if we stop buying newspapers, that'll save £5.50 a week. Which is £286 a year.'
'That'll take us a smidge under 350 years, then,' said Andy, who is sometimes a little too quick in the Maths department for his own safety.

'Obviously we'll have to work out additional savings plans,' I said.

Which is what I'm working on now.

For there must be a way. There must.

Small, but perfectly formed

Last Saturday afternoon I spent an hour on the website of a company called MoreVeg who sell smaller quantities of seeds for lower prices for those of us who don't want to grow 3,000 carrots in one season. The web site was simple and easy to navigate, the ordering process simple and on Tuesday morning my 18 packet order arrived, postage free, with a little handwritten personal note wishing me kind regards and happy gardening. 'How nice,' I thought, so I sent an e-mail to MoreVeg and thanked them for a friendly, quick and efficient service. I also enquired if they were planning to stock seeds for plum tomatoes as I'm keen to grow some this year as I am appalled that Sainsbugs has more than doubled the price of their tins of plum tomatoes in the last 6 months. Now, I know that plum tomatoes aren't the most expensive item to purchase, but there is a point of principle here which I intend to do something about.

By lunchtime I had received an e-mail back from MoreVeg saying that they did indeed do seeds for plum tomatoes. They were on the website already. The nice lady recommended a variety she had found to be especially good for making sauces. She also asked if I thought the website labelling needed to be clearer as it appeared from my enquiry that it wasn't obvious that plum tomatoes were already on the site. They were keen to improve their service so any feedback would be welcome.

Well, I felt a bit of a numpty because when I checked the site again, there they were, although to be fair to me and my poor banged head, it wasn't wholly obvious they were plum tomato varieties. So I e-mailed MoreVeg back and explained that I had clearly had a mush-for-brains moment but perhaps a big title - 'PLUM TOMATOES'- written in luminous letters with accompanying bells and whistles might help me in the future when I was having trouble with grasping the bleedin' obvious.

It was all very cheerful banter and I shall use http://www.moreveg.co.uk/ in the future as they are a small but perfectly formed, efficient and helpful group of people who care about customer service.

And then, on Monday, I had cause to ring the GoodLife Press in order to renew our subscription to 'The Home Farmer' magazine. This quirky monthly publication is just about to celebrate its first birthday. Andy and I have been devotees since Issue 1. It's the ideal read for people like us who want to do more fending for themselves in life but maybe don't have the luxury of masses of land and/or money. It's got a good on-line community where people can swap ideas and share experiences. It encourages people to try new things and 'have-a-go.' It cares about the values and ethos of self-sufficiency and has been responsible for us starting chicken keeping and sausage making and imminent bee-keeping.

So I called and spoke to a very nice man who sounded unnervingly like Andy's dad. He thanked us for our support over the last year and continued support in renewing our subscription. I thanked him for producing a lovely, if slightly bonkers magazine and told him about the chickens, sausages and bees. We had quite a conversation about bees. And windmills. And the Home Farmer Forum. And once again, it was very pleasant to be able to deal with a small but perfectly formed company who care about good customer service. So have a look at http://www.homefarmer.co.uk/ I am sure you'll be informed and entertained.

And I think it just goes to show that when companies stay small and perfectly formed, the world is a better place. The big boys in the retail and utility sectors should take note. Big isn't always best.

'We've earned another £2 this week from selling our eggs,' says Mrs Miggins. 'That makes a profit of £3 so far this year.'
'Yes,'I say. 'But I don't think you qualify as a multi-national business concern just yet.'
'When we do,' says Miggins, 'I'm going to buy a power dressing business suit in fuschia pink with huge shoulder pads.'
I sigh. 'Mrs Miggins, we've had this discussion before about chickens and their lack of shoulders. Why do you want a suit with shoulder pads?'
'Oh, I shan't keep them in the suit,' says Miggins. 'I shall take them out. I've heard they make wonderful kneeling pads for when one is weeding one's borders.'

I think, shall I tell Mrs M about a chicken's lack of knees? No. If she's willing to weed the borders for us, she can have as many knees as she likes.