Wednesday, 21 December 2011


...not only have we had a spooky bathroom haunting this week, and me 'losing' my keys, I discovered yesterday that I had been wearing my pants inside out all day! What's all that about then??

Andy has started jogging. I'm not sure if he will want you to know this as it is a NEW thing but what brought it on is that Andy and I have been on a healthy eating plan for the last three and a half months and I have lost two stones and Andy has lost three! But we have reached what I believe is called a 'plateau'(which, ironically, rhymes with gateau), plus it is nearly Christmas and dieting over Christmas seems to smack of 'BAH HUMBUG!' to me. So Andy has decided to unplateau himself by doing more exercise and,hopefully, off-set some Christmas cheer AKA many, many pigs in blankets to boot.
'Can one have too many pigs in blankets at Christmas time?' I say.
'No,' says Andy.
'Are pigs in blankets like worms in duvets?' says Mrs Pumphrey, who has started shopping for the hen Christmas dinner doo-dah.
'I expect so,' says I. 'It's all dead animal carcass, isn't it?'

I have decided to stay a la plateau for a couple of week because I am reaching that point where if I lose too much more weight I am going to become haggard and gaunt and my cheeks will meet up with my knee caps and I'll look like a melted Salvador Dali monstrosity. Plus, I had a minor thrilling moment on Monday when I was able to purchase a pair of knee-high boots from a normal shoe-shop rather than a shop for larger ladies where they make boots with elasticated tops to fit around larger than average calves. I have decided that as a)I now appear to have 'normal' size calves and b)my thumb and forefinger can touch when I circle them around my wrist and c) if I flick my hand too hard my wedding and engagement rings almost fly off, I can safely indulge in some Christmas stuffing in the form of a squash, cranberry and Stilton pie and the speciality Much Malarkey Manor Christmas Trifle, which is becoming a bit a family tradition.

Maybe exercise in the New Year. Because I LOVE exercise!! Ahahahahahhahahahahahaaaaa!!!!!!

Yesterday, I went to Sainsbugs for to do most of the shopping save for the goose (poor dead thing) which I am collecting on Friday. I reached the cheese section which seems to expand at an alarming rate this time of year. So many cheeses - Stilton, Brie, Cheddar with cranberries, Cheddar with apricots, Cheddar with smokey bits, Cheddar with Cheddar, Wenselydale with grit, Lancashire with hotpot, Cheshire with cats and Parmesan with er...palms, Gouda with goo and Double Gloucester with Doctor Foster. Oh, you get the idea. Too many cheeses.

And I was standing next to a lady, who was looking as confused as I at the selection of cheeses, and we both sighed at exactly the same time.
'Too many cheeses,' said she. And I agreed.
'I know what will hapen,' she said. 'I'll take all this cheese home and no-one will eat it except me and I'll end up going down the doctors after Christmas to be put on a higher dose of cholesterol pills.'

See??? See what Christmas cheese does????

Mum popped in this morning and we had a similar conversation about there being too much food at Christmas. So I gave her a single Jaffa cake with her cuppa and sent her on her way.

We're not going to go mad this year. We've both lost a significant amount of weight and actually we find we can't eat what we used to anyway, not without there being a certain amount of dyspepsia and acid-reflux ensuing.

I shall wear my new boots around the kitchen for the next week or so. If my calves start expanding ,I shall know I've gone too far.

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