Sunday, 3 June 2012

Sodden Bees and Jubilee Food

The bees are still up the willow. Now, not only are they a homeless ball of bees, they are a sodden ball of bees because it rained all night, it is raining now and the only joy from all the rain is that our almost empty rain butt is full again. The bees have evolved in shape from relaxed rugby-ball to tight football. It's not often I say this about bees, but bees - you are idiots! Go into the new hive! Stop hanging around in willow trees getting wet!

Of course, I am assuming bees read blogs. Which is probably a stupid assumption and thereby renders me just as idiotic as bees. Touche, bees!

Okay, so it's Jubilee Weekend here in the UK! Lots of red-white-'n'-blueness, lots of hurrahing-for-the-Queen! She's out on the Thames this afternoon, in her barge, leading a flotilla of a gazzillion boats in a magnificent pageant. At least that's what it says in the TV guide. I'm going to watch it. I am going to get tea and biscuits and plonk myself in front of the telly and watch it all a-happening. Heck, I might even make a cake and some lovely little sandwiches with the crusts cut off and go all tea-partyish. I might multi-task - do a bit of sewing, a bit of reading, a bit of writing - as I watch, but I shall be there, taking part and thinking how glad I am to be English and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world despite the rain and the recession and the ball of sodden bees in the willow tree.

It's been interesting to see what the supermarkets have been advertising in the papers all week as essential foody requirements with which to celebrate the Jubilee. Interesting and, dare I say it, unsettling? Oh, there's been the usual stuff from the better supermarkets - sausage rolls and Scotch eggs, trifle and scones, but is extra strong lager necessary? Ice creams in the shape of chimpanzee heads? Hotdogs?? I think some of the supermarkets have been checking their stores, found some random stuff left over from Bonfire Night and Christmas and thought, 'Here's our chance to have a good clear-out of the cold-store. Just slap a Union Flag sticker on it, and Bob's your school chum's cat! Instant Jubilee food!'

So, here is my suggestion for a traditional Jubilee party celebration (vegetarian, of course - you meat eaters can provide your own bits of dead animal):
1) sandwiches - Cheddar cheese 'n' pickle, egg 'n' cress, cucumber (separately, not squished between the same bits of bread -let's not get silly now)
2) boiled new potatoes in butter
3) a mixed green salad with proper salad cream (none of that mayonnaise stuff) and other salady bits like tomatoes, radishes and spring onions.
4) scones with jam and cream (and honey as we've got a lot of honey at the mo)
5) a Victoria sponge cake, again with jam and cream
6) nice chunky crisps - NO Pringles, which I doubt ever see a potato at any point in their manufacture
7) a selection of regional cheeses provided they are the kind that can retain their shape once outside the fridge - none of this oozing stuff that has no spine, thank you very much.
8) biscuits - shortbread, digestives (plain and chocolate), gingernuts - all good for tea-dunking (tea, of course, will be available throughout. No coffee. Coffee smells funny and makes me blow up)
9) onion and herb flan
10) a trifle
11) a fruit salad
12) and last but not least - a jug of Pimms because Pimms was invented by my great-great-great grandfather James Pimm. And even though I won't drink it because I am tee-total, I think it should be there in honour of him and his oyster bars.

I think that will do!

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