Who, who, who?

Well, the tension is mounting over who will be the person who will light the Olympic Cauldron in the opening ceremony this evening. There has been much speculation - will it be an athlete, a celeb, an ordinary bod from the streets?

I can tell you who it won't be, and that's me or Andy. Although Andy did disappear earlier on. But then he came back with ice cream, and as far as I know it takes a bit longer to get to the Olympic stadium than the 20 minutes he was missing.

Anyway, we've been having a bit of a guess. Personally, I reckon Her Maj the Queen should do it. Tog her up in a white tracksuit, have a stairlift fitted to the steps just in case she gets a bit puffed halfway up. Yes, the honour should be hers. She's in her eighties for heavens sake AND she hasn't stopped since her Jubilee celebrations started back in June. If it's Olympic stamina you want, the Queen is your gal.

Andy favours a re-run of a Doctor Who episode when David Tennant lit an Olympic Cauldron, and I think that's a reasonable idea only because watching David Tennant is always very entertaining for us ladies.

Other people who have received the MMM seal of approval are Steve Redgrave, Daley Thompson and Prince William but only if he brings along Kate. We'd also like to see Wallace and Gromit, or Morph.

To represent the ladies I think Julie Walters or Penelope Keith, Jennifer Saunders or Miranda Hart, but only if she does a comedy trip up just as she's about the light the cauldron.

We definitely DO NOT want David Beckham, Katie Price aka Jordan because we fear for her implants melting/ bursting, Princess Michael of Kent aka Princess Pushy, Chris Moyles. We are ambivalent about Boris Johnson, and whilst we are being political, Andy does not want David Cameron because, and I quote 'he is an idiot' and I don't want Tony Blair because he is, and I quote, 'more of an idiot than Cameron and very sinister to boot.'

And Bruce Forsyth will be a very disappointing choice for us because he will only shuffle about pretending he is dancing and hold up proceedings by making very old and very pathetic jokes, then expecting everyone to laugh.

Andy has just put in a vote against TV vet Steve Leonard. This is because Andy was at vet school with some of his brothers and every time Andy goes to a conference or lecture, Steve is there dressed in either shorts or an orang utan outfit and for some reason this annoys Andy beyond belief. Plus he is on TV and Andy isn't.

However, we must be careful about thinking unkarmic thoughts because earlier this evening, a magic fairy posted a lottery ticket through our front door. It had the words 'good luck!!' written on the top, and I spent a very excited ten minutes thinking we had an ethereal beneficiary who was in the know about the outcome of the hundred millionaires lottery gig this evening, and then Andy said it was Gemma (thank you , Gemma!) but even so we don't want to scupper our chances by dishing out unkind thoughts towards Brucie et al, especially as I have found a guest house in Wales that has fixated me with thoughts of purchase this week.

So whoever carries the torch on its final leg this evening, good luck! Break a leg, well, not literally of course - how ironic would that be?

And if we are destined to become one of the hundred new millionaires, then everyone is welcome to come and stay with us in our REAL Much Malarkey Manor for a big old party - HURRAH!!