In the Jungle

I don't know. You turn your back for six months and when you look again, the garden has morphed into a jungle. Both gardens. Back and front. Undergrowth, vines, pumas, tarantulas, snakes, toucans, they're all there keeping the neighbours awake at night with hooting and howling and excessive growing habits. Actually, the back garden isn't too bad - Mrs Bennett and Mrs Miggins indulge in a spot of gardening when the weather is fine, but there's only so much two chickens can do with their little secateurs as they wander about the borders cutting a few delphiniums and stocks for their sideboard.

'I'll just trim back that bit of undergrowth by the compost bin,' Denise says to herself, as she mooches around the jungle, er... garden, yesterday morning. Five (yes, count 'em) hours later, the garden is devoid of shrubbery and a huge pile of ex-shrubbery has appeared in the middle of the lawn that was once there before the chickens dug it up. 'That's better,' Denise says, still to herself (she leads a lonely existence during the day, except for the company of the cats who, let's face it, aren't great conversationalists). 'Look at the space, look at the light, that has burst upon the homestead, now I have freed it from its jungular constraints!' (Shakespeare made up his own words; considering the precedent, Denise feels entitled to do the same - one of her favourites so far is 'tulipine' - so that's at least two new words for her dictionary project).

With arms ripped to shreds by thorns the size of tiger claws, an infected viper bite on her ankle and a particulary difficult gibbon demanding to be rehoused in five star accommodation immediately, Denise reflects on her jungle adventure. And then she spares a thought or eight for two of her dearest friends who have just moved to their own jungle project near the French Pyranees. Vera, Lester, if you're reading this - 'respec'!'

This episode of Ginnungagaps was brought to you by 'Parrot Zone - For All Your Jungle Cleaning Needs.'