Travel Systems a Go-Go

Andy and I have decided that our 'Welcome to the World' gift for Baby Bug Grandchild shall be a pram. Except it isn't that simple, as it turns out. And whilst I am sure that Baby Bug Grandchild would much prefer a games consule, or Wii, or the latest in up-to-date mobile phones/ sound systems/ i-pod/ why-pod/ pea-pod, a pram is what's on offer along with assorted original and zany knitwear crafted by my own fair hands and a wealth of fun and wisdom crafted by my own fair personality.

In my day (oh, here she goes - 'When I were a lass we were lucky to be dragged along behind the donkey by a rope, let alone be pushed along in a mobile chair)...ahem, in my day you had two choices - a pram or a buggy. My babies, Chris and Heather, were transported in a Maclaren Dreamer, a sort of pushchair with horizontal lay back facility which could be used from birth to four years old, or in Chris's case, two years old when he got turfed out to make room for baby Heather. It was grey and yellow - not colours I would choose but the buggy was a gift and for that I was grateful.

But nowadays? Blimey! The choice is, well, there is too much choice. A sign of 21st century living I suppose, but after all the research I've done into prams 'n' pushchairs I reckon I should be awarded a Doctorate in Baby Transport Facility Options.

You can still get prams, of course. The old Silver Cross much adored by the Norland Nanny. They are huge, substantial beasts, (the prams, not the nannies) purchased to be passed from generation to generation because they are a 'design classic' and 'built to last'. They are also built for people with massive houses with massive front doors and massive hallways in which to park them, so not wholly suitable for the rabbit hutch living that so many young couples endure these days. But then you can also get pram/pushchair combinations, strollers. three-wheelers, tandems and double-strollers and, get this, 'travel systems'.

A travel system covers all your Baby Bug Grandchild travel needs. It's a pram/pushchair/ car seat all -in-one configuration with things like 5 point safety harness, side impact protection, flight bag, raincover and apron, removable head-hugger (????????) and bottle holder. They come with futuristic sounding names like 'Luna', 'Mirage', 'City Bug', 'Vivo', 'Epic' and 'Trio Enjoy Evolution'. Gone are the days, it seems, of attaching a wooden apple crate to a set of go-kart wheels and towing a youngster around regardless of potential impact with hard objects and accidents caused from being released from the tops of very steep hills. (Oh we had fun, my twenty plus cousins and I. Luckily I was second eldest in the clan, so never suffered the terror of 'cousin care'.)

Nowadays, it's all health this and safety that. I've been toying with the idea of getting a bicycle, but can't quite get over the fact Andy will probably make me wear a safety helmet. We never wore safety helmets when we were children. We didn't want other kids pointing and laughing at us, for a start. Actually, I'm not sure safety helmets had been invented way back then. But if I were to take up bike riding again it would be sans helmet but avec large basket attached to the front for shopping and the possible toting about of a small terrier. Granny-like.

Back to baby transport systems. I've discounted some models already on the grounds of them having only three wheels. I've seen these pushchairs in action and although they might be more aerodynamic, they look bloomin' unstable to me; besides, if you want to whoosh around town in a busy 'on-a-mission' manner, you don't need to be aerodynamic to gain optimum speed through the crowds. Oh no, all you need do is crash into the backs of a few legs. People soon stop blocking your way if there's a danger of having their varicose veins burst. And I speak from both ends of the buggy experience here.

Strollers are also out on the grounds of them sounding American. As are models with an under-carriage shopping basket that look barely big enough to manage two apples and packet of biscuits let alone a 40 pack of disposable nappies and half-hundred weight of potatoes. Anything with 'sport' or 'executive' in the name has been crossed off the list for sounding too aggressive as has the one with built-in MP3 speakers despite it having a BIG basket. (Children need to be engaged in human conversation to learn good speaking skills and NOT brought up on a diet of 50 Cent, Killa Kella and The Eagles of Death Metal or whatever/ whoever/ what happened to the New Seekers, that's what I want to know.)

So after much deliberation I have made a preliminary choice. Of course, I shall consult the parents-to-be vis a vis my selection and measure the boot of their car to ensure it will fit. (Chris - the boom box base speakers WILL have to go, I'm afraid. 'Tis time to put aside childish things for the things of your child. Never mind - in another 20 years or so you can start getting your own back!!)

And how did I arrive at my choice? Well, by using pretty much the same system I have used in choosing cars for the last 26 years of my motoring career.

I like the colour!