Outstanding!

Today's blog is brought to you by 'A Heavy Dose of Irony', sponsored by 'Sarcasm can be Good for the Soul in Certain Circumstances.'

You will be thrilled to know that today I was observed teaching my horrid Year 10's and declared to be an outstanding teacher.

How comforting, indeed, to know that I have risen from the grade of 'Unsatisfactory' to 'Outstanding' in the space of barely six months! Oh, but if it wasn't for the tireless ministrations of certain members of the SMT and certain 'educational consultants' I would never have hoped to achieve such dizzying success in such a short space of time.

('Scuse me whilst I choke on my insincerity. Note to self: DO NOT buy a lottery ticket this weekend.)

Oh yes, there was much gushing! Such a difficult group! Such focus! Such energy! Such dedication to treating each and every one of those little treasures with the individuality they deserved! Every Child Matters, and all that jazz.

They are so motivated to improve their work, aren't they? What amazing respect those students have for you! What a wonderful atmosphere of learning you have created! Well done! Congratulations! Have a large some of money! (The last bit was brought to you by 'A Large Dose of Wishful Thinking.)

Ah well. Too little, too late. There comes a point in one's life where one refuses to be treated in certain ways any longer. And this time is it. Au revoir teaching.

And...I have made a decision about my future. I am going to continue my training as an alternative therapist and start my own business. That's it. After a mini-epiphanal moment at the weekend where I scared Andy half to death by finding a farm project in Wales costing a mere £600,000 and insisting that we should 'go for it!' sanity prevailed and I am going to focus on gaining qualifications in reflexology, aromatherapy, Indian Head Massage and diet and nutrition to add to my anatomy and physionomy and therapeutic massage qualifications, and set myself up as a self-employed bod, trying to do my bit to ease fellow human beings from the stress of modern day living.

And as my own boss, rest assured I shall be a harder task master on myself than ANY one in education has been. But at least I shall be human enough to give credit where it's due.

And if I don't I shall sack myself!