Very Off -STED

Hark! Can you hear the sound of a chicken running around with it's head cut off? Hmmm??

That'll be the noise of the pre-Ofsted panic then.

Two weeks before the end of term and HM Inspectors have decided to pay a visit tomorrow and Thursday, just as everyone is going off the boil, but the weather is boiling up. Personally, I think they've missed the zeitgeist. But hey-ho. You know the saying 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. And those who can't teach become Ofsted Inspectors.'

('That's you stuffed on the karmic spectrum for the next two days,' says Mrs Miggins, who has come to see exactly which chicken it is who is careless enough to be running around with their head cut off. She suspects it's Mrs Slocombe. Again.)

And so, since THE CALL came in yesterday morning, everyone has been running around shouting 'DO THIS, DO THAT, DO THE OTHER, PUT THIS HERE, CHANGE THAT, EXCLUDE THAT CHILD WE DON'T WANT HIM RUNNING AROUND WITH HIS POTTY MOUTH AND ADHD/ODD/ADD/EBSD/ whilst the Inspectors are in etc...'

And when I say 'everyone', I mean Senior Management, who, to be fair, probably have more to panic about than those of us who had the foresight to resign ages ago, never more to darken the doors of teaching with our carefree and incompetent ways.

I have not been panicking. I see little point. Perhaps the Reiki training is digging into my spirit more quickly than I anticipated. 'Just for today, don't worry.' Good advice. What's the point in worrying? I'll do my best, of course, which as you know, hasn't been quite good enough for this school. I have submitted my detailed lesson plans. I have put together resources galore. I have gee-upped the children - 'C'mon, we're great! Let's show those Inspectors how much we have learned about 'Holes'/ 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas'/ Blood Brothers.'

I am awaiting to embrace the end of my teaching career with open arms.

Today, I've had various people arrive in my classroom, all starting their conversations with 'Could you do a favour for me?' One of these people asked me if my marking was up to date.
'Yes it is,' I said.
'I don't suppose you could help me with mine could you?' came the reply.

Ah, so that's how it works! People who do their jobs conscientiously, and keep on top of their work are rewarded by being expected to help other, less conscientious people, out of the sh*t.

Luckily, because I am in 'just say no' mode at the mo, I just said no.

Besides, I had enough of my own work to do, having been supplied with a shed-load of bin-bags and told to 'clear out the cupboards' in my room. Blimey, I thought, as they carted away one of my cupboards, 'I'm not even cold in my grave yet.

And as I was working on my lesson plans this evening, another member of staff appeared in my class,
'Ooh, this looks a nice quiet corner,' she said.
'Mmmmm,' I agreed, trying not to lose the thread of what I was writing, which was a particularly good bit of box-ticking jargon.
And this person promptly sat down, spread her papers across the desk next to me and spent the next twenty minutes talking to herself as she sorted out what she needed to do for the next couple of days.
I gritted my teeth. My classroom IS quiet. That's what I like about it. No noise. Plenty of peaceful atmosphere conducive to good lesson planning. Generally devoid of people making rambling, out-loud thoughts.

Luckily, just as I was about to ask her to 'SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HERE,' she finished what she was doing, gathered up her papers and disappeared, presumably back the chaos. And then we had another after school meeting during which the FOUR assorted head teachers (count 'em - 4! Too many chiefs...?) forced out what I assume they thought to be encouraging grins but looked more like the Cheshire cat trying to pass a basketball, and the rest of the staff scowled back with a look of pure hatred in their eyes. Me? I doodled some flowers on a piece of paper and thought how nice it was that two Reiki teachers have contacted me
with a view to starting my training proper. And that I've already got a paying client waiting for me to set up business.

So there we go. I suspect there will be many exploded heads by the time Thursday afternoon comes.

One of them, God willing, will not be mine.

For I've done all I can. My mind is elsewhere. I was awake at 4.30 this morning so I got up and meditated for a while and then I wrote a poem.

Now that WAS a worthwhile use of time...