In the Pink

'Don't go for pink. You said you weren't going for pink because it would be a bad, oppressive colour to choose. You said it. I know you did. I have written proof. I know you've just spent the best part of an hour walking the aisles of B & Q holding a piece of wallpaper against the paint samples that were so high in the air that you got back ache and neck ache and arm ache, and that it would have been quicker just to grab a tin of white and have done with it, but I just want to remind you that you went in looking for a subtle shade of green, not pink...GREEN!'

'Okay, in my defence, I didn't go all out on a rash branch moment and buy pink immediately; I did bring home three samples to test first, didn't I, and one of those was a subtle shade of green, Mellow Sage, which turned out not to be so subtle or mellow after all, more like 'Mouldy Moss.' And the second one was 'Antique Cream' which looked white and the third one, I'd like to point out, is NOT pink, it's 'La Petite Maison - Lavender.' Not pink.'

'But when you look at it, now the sample's on the wall, be honest, does it look like lavender? You know, like the lavender in the front garden? Sort of...lavendery?'

'It looks...well...yes, sort of lavendery...'

'In a 'pinkish' sort of way?'

'Well, possibly. In a certain light...'

'In the light of, say, the sun coming through the living room window when the curtains are open?'

'Look, it says 'Lavender' on the tin and it goes with the wallpaper a treat, so 'Lavender' it is and Andy is buying two tins of it during his lunch-break so it's too late now so shut up, Sub-conscious Mind. I'm allowed to change my mind, aren't I?'

'No. You said green and you got pink...'

'Lavender...'

'Lavender schmavender. You'll regret it when you're sitting in the living room feeling like you've been swallowed up by a massive ball of candy floss.'

'Shut up. It's not THAT pink. It's subtle...like...like...'

'Green?'

'I'm not listening to you. Tra-la-la-la-la!'