Books are Best!

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Governor of California has decided that school pupils do not need books because they can get all the information they need from the interwebbly. He plans to get rid of all books in Californian schools.

Now, I very much admire Arnie for his film work, especially in 'Kindergarten Cop' and 'Twins'. And his portrayal of a pregnant man in 'Junior' has to count amongst one of the greatest comedy perfomances of all time, equalled only by Harold Lloyd dangling from that stupid clock high up on the side of a skyscraper.

I'M JOKING, FOLKS! Way too much sarcasm on the granola this morning.

Get rid of books? Come on, Arnie, or can I call you 'stoopid?'

Unfortunately, this idea of Mr Schwarzenegger's is not new. It is already infiltrating some of the schools in my neck of the woods. The school I used to teach in, for example, closed down its library and turned the space over to an IT suite. As a teacher of English and an ardent reader, it was heartbreaking to see books being turned out and the library become no more. It was like seeing a corner of civilisation become extinct without giving anyone who cared the chance to set up a conservation society and wave a few placards.

More and more, children are being supplied with laptops or 'tablets' as they enter their secondary education. They are encouraged to read books 'on-line', research 'on-line', glean all their information about the world in which they live 'on-line'. I mean, Wikipedia, for heaven's sake??? And let's be real, the only reason most kids want to go on-line is to keep up with their social networking and play games.

The problems associated with working towards a 'paperless society' are many. Some that I encountered as a teacher were:
1) 'my laptop battery has run out' (because I only remembered to plug it in for a recharge 10 minutes before I left home this morning. Look, I'm busy right? I have to watch cartoons for breakfast.)
2) 'my laptop is broken (because my dog sat on it/ I threw it at my little sister coz she annoyed me with her Britney Spears impression)
3) 'I forgot to bring my laptop into school.' (Actually, I did remember it just as I was leaving home but I couldn't be arsed to go back for it. I haven't got a pen or pencil with me either.)
4) 'My dad/mum/ brother/great-aunt Cecily has borrowed my laptop to download obscure rock tunes/shop on ebay/talk on 'Mum's Chat'/play on-line bingo'
5) 'I can't log in' (again, because I can't be arsed and I've got ADHD and can't keep the mouse still long enough)
6) 'I've been banned from the school system for playing games in class/looking at dodgy websites (well, science/maths/ geography/ citizenship are soooooooooooooooo boring, innit?)
7) 'The internet keeps crashing' (and what are you going to do about it, you're the teacher, do something, do something NOW because I'm supposed to be IMing Josh in 8a3 at 10.30)

And they were just the common reasons. (My best excuse was from a lad with VERY special needs who refused to use his laptop because he didn't want to be contacted by UFOs that morning as he was very, very tired. He'd even taken the precaution of wrapping his laptop in aluminium foil. I liked that kid!).

It was expected that students used their laptops in my drama and performing arts lessons. There was no way I was giving over precious practical time to faffing about with laptops so I was secretly pleased when the wireless connection failed to register consistently with my classroom which was at the back of the admin block and I only had two mains plugs in my room.

The interwebbly has its place, of course. But I am in no doubt that BOOKS ARE BEST! They are an important part of our civilisation and the day the last book disappears from the planet, I'm going with it.

And this is why books are best:
1) A new book feels and smells far lovelier than a laptop
2) A book doesn't fry your legs when you read from it for more than 3 minutes
3) You can curl up really small on the sofa and read a book
4) A book never crashes
5) A book never runs out of battery power
6) It takes longer for your eyes to go squiffy reading a book than reading from a computer screen
7) You get to collect some pretty fab bookmarks if you read books
8) You can swat a fly with a book
9) Books live longer than laptops
10) You never get bugged to take out an extended warranty when you buy a book
11) You can press a flower in a book and then find it years later and be reminded of that summer day from years ago
12) Books don't suffer from flashy screens
13) A book is more likely to survive being dropped in the bath than a laptop
14) A book shop is a magical place filled with passionate intelligent people who engage you in civilised conversation; PC World isn't.

And that's all I have to say on the subject.

I am going to e-mail Allison Pearson at the Daily Mail now. She had thoughts about this very subject today and thinks we should start a 'Save Our Books' campaign. I want to lend her my full and bookish support.