Here come the girls

Preparations for the Winter Wonderland Extravaganza are gathering apace and this morning I had a flying visit from Mrs Miggins.

'Can't stop,' she said, 'unless you've got hobnobs.' 'No, it's just the way I walk,' I quip. 'Ahahahaha!' Mrs Miggins shoots me a withering stare. 'In that case, I definitely can't stop. 'I'm just dropping off the rough draft for the programme of events. Andy said he would do a mock up for us.' 'Okay,' I say, taking the very rough pieces of paper and casting my eye over them. Mrs Miggins turns to go.

'Hang on a minute,' I say. 'What's all this?' I point to the list of 'Star Entertainers' (i.e the hens and Tango Pete.) 'Well, we thought we'd add a personal touch and use our first names,' explains Miggins. 'You know, to make us sound more warm and approachable.' I express my doubts that this will ever be the case with Mrs Poo as she still hasn't broken the habit of savaging my ankles. 'And I didn't know you had first names,' I continue. 'Of course we do,' says Mrs Miggins. 'What do you think our mothers called us before we got married?'

'So your first name is Laetitia?' I say. 'Yes,' says Mrs Miggins. 'And Mrs Pumphrey is Gloria, Mrs Slocombe is Betty and Mrs Poo is Winnie.' I let out a snort. 'Is her middle name 'The'?' I ask. 'No, I don't think so,' says Miggins without a hint of irony. 'Only Mrs Pumphrey has a middle name and that's Inexcelsis Deo. Two middle names in fact. I think her grandmother was a Jamaican banana baron.'

Mrs Miggins leaves me rolling on the kitchen floor with laughter. 'Did you pass on the programme?' asks Winnie Poo. 'I did,' says Mrs Miggins, 'but I'm not sure how safe it will be in her hands. I think she's finally lost her one remaining marble.'