Mixed blessings - a Day of Dedications

Grasping the opportunity of a rather nice spring morning (i.e it wasn't raining), I decided a spot of allotmenteering was in order, especially as my first early seed potatoes are chitting like fury and will need a prepared bed in a couple of weeks' time and the allotment looks a bit post-winter raddled to say the least. So I popped on my wellies and scruffy allotment coat and marched across town, ignoring the odd looks from people in cars on their way through the rush hour. (Honestly, you'd think they'd never seen a woman in wellies before.)

Four and a half hours later, I am back home and as I can't move because my legs and buttocks have gone into spasm, I have settled in front of the laptop, and in the words of TV's great 'The Fast Show,' today I shall mostly be blogging in the style of mixed blessings and dedications.

To the masses of worms I dug up today -I am sorry I disturbed your underground work, and thank you for aerating the soil so beautifully. May you avoid small boys who might be tempted to carry you around in their pockets in order to frighten small girls with the invitation 'Wanna see my worms?'

To the squirrel whose food store I inadvertently discovered - my sincere apologies for disturbing your nuts, but thank you for that magic moment when I thought I'd managed to grow a whole pile of peanuts without actually planting them

To the old bloke who said 'Nice parsnips,' as I left the allotment -I'll assume it wasn't a double entendre but either way, thanks for the compliment

To the woman who was so engrossed in texting on her mobile phone that she did nothing to prevent her four small children running amok amongst the traffic in the busy car park outside the David Lloyd leisure centre -you can replace your mobile phone, love, but kids need more than a quick battery charge to recover from being squished flat like bugs

To all the young, high-heeled and high-fashion girls who looked down their little snub noses at me as I schlepped home in my mud-clogged wellies looking extremely dishevelled whilst trying to wrestle an armful of parsnips that were wrapped precariously in some old pea-netting because I stupidly forgot to take a bag with me - I LIKE my hair pouffey, okay??

To all the kids on half-term holiday that were hanging around street corners looking bored -why aren't you at home doing your homework/coursework? Your future depends on it

To all the ducks and geese on the river -may all your eggs be fertile

To the rain -thank you for holding off long enough for me to get home dry. I don't think a net of parsnips would have been a wholly successful umbrella but feel free now to rain all you like on my freshly dug allotment

To Phoebe, who I KNOW is loitering around the net of parsnips even though I cannot see her from where I am sitting-DO NOT CHEW THE PARSNIP TOPS! They'll make you throw up and I'm in no mood for clearing up cat vomit

And last, but not least...

To my beautiful, talented, funny and kind daughter, Heather, who was born at 2.55 p.m twenty-one years ago this very day - it's all hereditary, you know. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!