Operation 'Compost Bin'

First light yesterday. Two shadowy figures flit across the allotment, silent as moths, cunning as foxes. A covert operation swings into action to move established compost bins (i.e they were full) to the other end of Plot 87. Operation 'Compost Bin' has been a task-in-the-plotting for a few months now and it all began last year when the new allotment neighbours arrived...

...they turned up one day last spring and immediately installed a length of string to delineate the border between our plot and theirs. They were clearly saying 'This is our gardening space, that is your gardening space. Got it?' I deemed this to be an unnecessarily aggressive act of segregation and immediately began to take umbrage to pretty much everything 'string girl' and her parents did from thereon in. (Before you think I'm being narky, this family upset the allotment committee within a couple of weeks when they built a 25 foot high 'barn' out of old pallets - they were immediately instructed by the aforesaid committee that their storage facility was unsuitable and should be removed immediately. So it's not just me!).

They then proceeded to locate their compost bins not on the end of their allotment(where you're supposed to put them) but up the side and in the middle, right against where our onions were growing, immediately casting the crop into shade and encouraging a massive growth of weeds that I had to keep digging out. It was hard enough staying on top of my own weeds last year, let alone dealing with rogue visitors from someone else's plot. (By now I was not only grumbling but swearing a bit, too.)

They filled their compost bins with household rubbish so we would find old plastic milk bottles and the suchlike strewn across our plot after a light breeze. I soon developed a petty streak and took to weeding right up to, but not a millimetre over, the string border between us and them in order to send the unspoken message that if they wanted to adopt a 'them and us' attitude, then I would keep 'my' border neat and weed free just to show them how rubbish they were at their own weed control.

AND THEN... (I'm trying to stay calm and spiritual at this point, really I am...breath, breath, breath....) ....THEN they take over the plot at the end of ours so we are now surrounded on two sides and they PLANTED A LINE OF FLIPPING TREES AGAINST OUR BORDER!!!!!! AND BUILT A TINY FENCE!!!!!!!

This is NOT appropriate allotment behaviour. You have to be careful with trees. You have to be considerate about things like casting shadows over your neighbour's plot, about potential rubbish hazards, and spreading disease.

But it's too late now. The line has been drawn in the sand/compost/ mulch...

...SO...

...we have relocated our bins against their tiny fence and their row of trees. Our tool storage bin and a new weed compost bin will go in line with the 12 feet high scaffolding poles they have erected presumably for their runner beans. I have researched tall plants on the internet and am very mindful to plant a row of Jerusalem artichokes interspersed with hops up against their bit of string. Revenge is a dish best served with a rampant growth of weeds on the side.

Now this is not good karma for the spirit of the allotment holder. But I'm afraid they have left us no choice. I am of the opinion they are after our plot, too. I reckon they are trying to drive us out by the subtle erection of inappropriate shadow casting structures and allowing their weeds to infiltrate our borders. Andy thinks I'm over-reacting and tells me to calm down. But I have become fiercely protective of our nine rods. And now the bins are relocated, we've got a nice empty space newly available. Big enough for a substantial polytunnel in fact. I've already consulted the allotment site manager about the erection of a substantial polytunnel. He said 'Go ahead.'

And I think we just might.