What do I do with this?

At Christmas, Andy usually brings home something from work that has been donated as a 'thank-you for taking care of my pet' gesture by a grateful client. So generally I don't bother buying things like extra sweets and biscuits for the festive season because I can be pretty certain Andy will bring one or more of these items home with him from work on Christmas Eve.

And this is what he brought home with him this year.

It's a Pandoro di Verona cake, one of those bready-type things much favoured by our continental cousins. This one is particularly Italian or 'Italienischer Kucken' 'Gateau de Noel', 'Kerstkake', 'Pastel Tipico Italiano' or 'Especialidade Italiana' if you want to eat it in another language. (I could do Greek but it would involve me faffing with the language settings on the blog to get the appropriate alphabet and we all know that will end in tears.)

This thing is about a foot tall and weighs a kilo. It's a substantial cake. It has been lurking in the kitchen for the last few days. Every time we mention it, Pandora comes running, because of the subtle pronunciations they share in their names. We have taken to differentiating them thus as 'Pandora the Kitten' and 'Pandoro the Cake.' Luckily, the cake does not come running when we call for Pandora. However, the use-by date of the cake is June 2010, so Lord knows what preservatives there are therein. And also, I think that something cakey with a shelf-life that long must be so packed with additives it's bound to develop its own life-form at some point.

Anyhow, what to do with the Pandoro? I bought a panettone last year which was delicious toasted and spread with butter, a bit like a tea-cake. I've given the Pandoro a poke (for purely scientific purposes, I hasten to add) and it seems slightly heavier and more spongy in consistency. I am thinking 'trifle'. I am thinking 'gateau.' I am thinking, 'these trousers are already feeling a lot tighter than they did a month ago; do I really need to be eating a kilo of foreign, preservative-packed cake?'

The nutrition values are printed in tiny, tiny writing on the base of the packet. Apparently, 100g of this cake = 409 calories. Which means this whole cake is 4090 calories worth, more once you've added the large packet of 'zucchero di decorazione' supplied with it prior to serving. We are talking about a good two days worth of food here in one enormous bun!

I am now thinking 'New Year's Eve' party, where the pandoro would make a magnificent centrepiece and I could get rid of it in one fell swoop.

Of course, it may taste foul, which would save me a huge amount of hassle and angst.

Suggestions on a postcard, please, to Much Malarkey Manor, Groaning-Under-the Strain, England.