Stars Alive!

I don't know. You turn your back for five minutes and some smarty-pants astrologer comes along and changes your star sign (and inserts two cliches in one sentence) because he thinks the moon has moved a bit to the right. For 45 plus years I have been a Scorpio. I've poddled along through life quite happily being secretive, mysterious, quick-tempered, jealous and moody, and now it seems, if Mr Smarty-Pants Astrologer is to be believed, I am a Libran.

That's no good. How's that going to work? Me, unbalanced? More up and down than a see-saw?? Pah! And ptui! To be honest, I didn't read the full article when it appeared in the paper on Friday because Friday was a busy day. I can't even remember what the so-called '13th' star sign is called. Something like 'Teflon Coated' or 'Three Egg Omelette' or some such malarkey; but I did read the comment by proper astrologer Jonathan Cainer who said it was all a load of balderdash, a sentiment with which Andy would wholeheartedly agree. Mind you, today Jonathan says I should 'foster a spirit of co-operation' and 'clear away the clutter of conflict and make room for a future full of trust and respect' because there is a lot of unnecessary stress in my world at the moment. I work in a school, for heaven's sake! What sort of advice is that to give someone who works in a school???

So I took a sneaky peek at Libra in case it said something useful like 'eat as much cake as you like today for the weight-loss gods are on your side,' but it was full of guff about sibling rivalry, family crisis and domestic drama which I can well do without, actually. Because that kind of stuff makes me eat cake regardless of the danger of chubster thighs. But maybe they are the source of unnecessary stress that is in my life? I wouldn't be surprised...

Anyway, I had a quick look through the other predictions and have decided that today I am Capricorn, because cheese was mentioned. Goat's cheese presumably. Which isn't such a good idea after all, and I shall tell you why.

Last night, Andy and I went out to dinner with some of his work colleagues. Not the ones who arrive late, change their minds about having starters and then vanish for a prolonged ciggie break just as the waiter appears to take orders, leaving those of us who were hungry in the first place to get even hungrier to the point of having a hypoglycaemic attack. Oh no, these colleagues were prompt, and sat down and ordered at once which meant dinner arrived at a reasonable time.

Well, the pub we went to is very keen on its steaks. It's not the sort of establishment that casts much of a glance in the vegetarian direction, but that's okay because being vegetarian is my choice and I don't expect to be specially catered for. As long as there are chips and salad on the menu, I'm all right.

So, there were two veggie options on offer - one was nachos and dips (tantamount to having a bag of crips and a splodge of ketchup, so no thank you there), and a portobello mushroom burger. The mushroom burger duly arrived, and it was nice, but ye gods - there must have been an entire round of goat's cheese parked on top of that poor mushroom. It was goat cheese city in that bun, and whilst I like goat cheese, I reached a point where I started feeling slightly nauseous and had to hoik the remains of it from the bun and replace it with salad.

And now I am thinking about Capricorn and goats and cheese again, and it's making me feel a tad yuk, so I'll stop if you don't mind and go back to being a Scorpio.