Nine Weeks and Counting

'Here,' announces Mrs Slocombe, 'is my Christmas List. Only I know that the half-term break is when you traditionally do your Christmas shopping, and who am I to stand in the way of tradition?'

'Well, you stood in the way of the lawnmower last week,' I say, 'so I wouldn't put anything past you.'

'Just read the list,' says Mrs S. 'It's very specific.'

I take the list and read.

1) a torch with red, orange and cerise filters

2) a chess set with the pieces shaped like little woodland creatures

3) a banjo

4) another banjo

5) a silver sequin skirt and halter neck top combo set

6) a chocolate gnome

7) a yellow bobble hat with ear flaps

8) some black and white vinyl floor tiles

9) a white chiffon blouse with blue polka dot sleeves

10) a Volkswagen Beetle

'You don't want much, do you?' I say.

'I think my requests are modest,' says Mrs Slocombe.

'I was being ironic,' I say.

'It doesn't suit you,' says Mrs S.

The chicken is correct about my tradition. The next break from school I get won't be until a week before Christmas and there's no way I'm going into town a week before Christmas to do shopping. I shall go into town, but only to gloat that I've done ALL my shopping and everyone hasn't HAHA!!

Of course, being a 21st century chick, I do a lot of my Christmas shopping on-line. Free delivery if I can manage it, and the postman does the footwork and sometimes leaves parcels where they AREN'T likely to be stolen by any opportunist passer-by. And thus I started today. I have bought 2 presents AND a knit-your-own-Nativity scene pattern book pour moi. I have made some lists and I am in control. Nine weeks to go and I'm a step ahead of the game.

'So, does Mrs Pumphrey have a Christmas List?' I say.

'Probably,' says Mrs S, 'but I wanted to get mine in first.'

'That's very charitable of you,' I say.

'Was that irony again?' says Mrs S.

'Yes,' I say.

'I've just remembered,' says Mrs Slocombe, 'can you add an iron to my list? One of those hi-tech jobbies. My old iron just isn't coping with the creases in my jeans any more.'

And so the run up to Much Malarkey Manor Christmas 2011 has begun. I'm off to sharpen my knitting needles.