Study On

Ooh, well, I've done it now. I've just signed up to start studying a Masters Degree in English Literature.
'Are you out of your tiny mind?' says Tybalt, who has new trousers, thanks to my Mum who is very handy with gusset expansion.
'Clearly,' I say. 'It's what is called 'Spring Fever'. It happens every year when you are a teacher. You finish with all the exam classes, half your students are set to go on study leave, the pressure is easing a little and you start thinking, 'Ooh, what can I do to put a little of that pressure back into my life?'
'You know what will happen, don't you?' says Tybalt.
'Yes,' I say. 'I'll skip happily through summer, and lull myself into a sense of false security by reading all the set texts, and then I'll start a new school year with all the pressures that entails, and by the time I start the Masters course at the end of September, I'll be an exhausted, nervous wreck with onset Seasonal Affected Disorder because Winter will be on the way and I'll think, 'You bloody moron! what made you think you could cope with all this AND  be a teacher??'
'That's generally how it goes,' sighs Tybalt.
'The Masters course?' says Pandora, who has brought her ball in for me to throw for her. When Pandora was a likkle ikkle kitten, we taught her to play fetch. It can be really annnoying sometimes. Like now.
'Yes,' I say, picking up her ball. 'The Masters course.'
'You're going to learn all about DALEKS??' says Pandora.
'Not that kind of Master,' I say and I chuck her ball down the stairs because it will take her marginally longer than 10 seconds to retrieve it and spit it back into my lap.

'So what did the school say?' says Tybalt, as Pandora disappears over the top stair and thunders after her ball.
'They said they would support my application for a partial bursary,' I say. 'And they say that if I don't get the bursary, they may be able to help out with the cost themselves.'
'That sounds hopeful,' says Tybalt. 'Would they assist me in a trip to Borneo to see the orang-utans?'
'No,' I say. 'And I'm not really holding my breath about any financial assistance because it all sounds very vague, this bursary/ work-related support. Best to bite the bullet and fund it myself.'
'And anything else is a bonus,' says Tybalt.
'Quite,' I say.

I have to say I was quite shocked when I looked at the fees. No, not quite shocked. VERY shocked. In fact, if I wasn't already seated, I might have had to have a bit of a sit down. But it seems that academic qualification doesn't come cheap these days, and I am really looking forward to getting stuck into some more 'proper' learning.

'Shooo,' says Pandora, 'jissh Massshters coursshhhh....'
'Will you spit that ball out,' I say. 'I can't understand a word you are saying.'
'Ptui!' says Pandora. 'Better?'
'Yes,' I say.
'What does it involve exactly?' says Pandora. 'Throw the ball when you're ready...'
'It involves a lot of reading, a lot of writing and a lot of trying to get my head around literary theories. Oh, and a considerable amount of hanging around the new library in town.'
'I see,' says Pandora. 'And when you've finished the course, what do you get?'
'I get to put the  letters 'MA' after my name,' I say, which, now I've said it, doesn't sound a lot considering the money I'll be paying. I think, I ought to at least get a badge of some sort. A hat, even.

Pandora considers this news. 'And what does MA stand for?'
'Master of Arts,' I say.
'Did you say 'Arts' or 'Arse,' says Pandora.
'Shut up,' I say.
'And you're sure it's nothing to do with Daleks?' she adds.
'Positive,' I say. 'Fetch your ball.'

'I suppose,' says Tybalt, 'that once you've completed your Masters, you'll be thinking about a Doctorate.'
'Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves,' I say. 'Cor, imagine me - a Doctor!'
' A Doctor?' says Pandora. 'I knew it! It HAS got something to do with Daleks!'