Saturday, 4 August 2012

Chomped! My Theory and Other Stupid Conjectures

Last weekend, whilst 'gardening' I got chomped. Now usually, when I get chomped, the results make themselves noticed very quickly i.e massive itching followed by massive swelling, huge radiation of uncomfortable heat, and Andy saying ' stop scratching, you'll only make it worse.
Then the scent of Germoline and/ or TCP, the gentle screech of pain as I apply a hot water bottle to the affected area (heat helps dissipate the mosquito spit or whatever it is they leave behind), and the waiting for five days until it all goes down and I can stop walking about with strange bulges under my trousers or shirt.

But this chomp I didn't notice until the next day when I happened to rub the crook of my elbow and thought, 'Funny place to get a pimple,' and of course,  it wasn't a pimple, it was a chomp. A teeny- tiny chomp, well, by my standards at least.

It did not itch, it did not swell, it was not hot, it required no dealing with.

'Well,' I thought, 'how pleasant to be bitten by something and not react. P'raps I have grown out of these insect allergies at last.'

And I thought no more about it...until yesterday...when I inspected the area more closely...and discovered not one puncture wound...but....TWO!

Evenly spaced. Like a pair of fangs had done the chomping rather than the usual javelin-like proboscis.

And this has led me to believe, very scientifically,that I was not chomped by a midge or a mosquito, or even an ant or a snail ( they have teeth, you know!) but by something far more exotic.

For I now believe that in the hedge in the front garden, where the aforesaid chompee attacked my arm, there lives a...

...TARANTULA!!!

1 comment:

Andy said...

This theory seems quite plausible to me.