Thursday, 30 August 2012

Of the Decade, Week and Day

Invention of the Decade:

A major company, whom I shan't name because if they want an advert on my blog they can jolly well pay for the pleasure, has designed a biro especially for ladies. They come in pastel shades of pink, purple and lilac because that's what us girlies like apparently; they are slim of barrel, to fit our teeny-tiny girlie hands, and they are lighter, because our girlie wrists are too weak to manage one of those enormously heavy man-biros.

Well! All I can say is 'thank goodness for that!' All these years I've been struggling with a man-biro (nasty, heavy, dull of colour things)- no wonder I've remained unpublished as a writer! This could be the answer to my authorial aspirations. A girlie biro is bound to help me manage my writing better.

But which colour should I choose? I like pink and purple AND lilac. And my indecisive girlie brain is already struggling with the decision. Perhaps I should get all three? But that means I'd have to ask my husband permission to make such an extravagant purchase. 'Why do you want three girlie biros?' he'll say. 'After all, your girlie brain can only cope with using one at a time. Too much colour might over-excite your sensibilities.'

And he'll be right of course. And I'll have to go and lie down in a quiet room until the hysterical response to multi-colour girlie-biro over-stimulation subsides and I can return to the kitchen sink without fear of cutting myself on a teaspoon.

Good grief! Biros for ladies indeed!

Mysteries of the Week:

1) Sell house and go on a grand adventure or stay put, keep jobs and sink into a pool of financially secure mire?

2) Three friends, separated in age by a mere two months, meet for lunch yesterday - why am I the only one totally white of hair colour? (Although, what exactly is going on under that red hair dye, Sarah? Eh? Eh??)

3) Just how much fur IS a cat capable of producing? Options - a chairful, a sofaful, a carpetful, a houseful?

4) Courgettes - why? How?

5) Middle-age woman + electric hedgetrimmer + stepladder = safe combo or recipe for gardening chaos?

6) Why do dress designers and manufacturers make 95% of their clothes for 'women of a certain age' from polyester/ nylon/elastane? Do they not take the hot flush into consideration??

7) 3 phone network - just what ARE you doing in Kent at the moment? I mean, I know I don't use my mobile very often, but I'd like at least to have the option to use it for things other than 'emergency calls only.' And how come you can rustle up the energy for an emergency call and not something just as important like calling my local stationery shop to enquire after the procurement of a new-fangled girlie biro?

8) How come, after 4 years (yes, count 'em! It was the 4 year anniversary on 16th August which I missed completely despite writing on my calender, '4 years of writing blog - write a REALLY good post today in celebration') of writing this blog, has no-one found it and offered me a book deal / TV programme/ film rights based on the exploits therewithin?

Operation of the Day - Phoebe having a bladder stone removed. Join me in the crossing of fingers and toes and eyes that everything will go well.


LynneFtWorth said...

sending get well wishes across the water to Phoebe. Hope she gets well soon.

Denise said...

Thank you, Deanna! Phoebe is now bladderstoneless - it was a nasty, spiky looking thing which made my eyes water looking at it!

She is pottering around being fed up and grumpy - so back to normal already!!

Hope you are well x