A Naughty Christmas Ode For Veg Growers Everywhere
Christmas comes but once a year
And brings a glorious meal
With all its component, intrinsic parts;
and I'll tell you the dining deal.
Oh it's not the heft of the turkey
Or the pud with the brandy butter
Nor the roundness or size of your Brussel sprouts
- No! It's the length of your parsnip that matters.
You can get away with limp carrots,
And stuffing all crispy and burnt
Red cabbage can wilt, and Stilton can melt
And gravy with lumps won't hurt
Oh it's not the number of sausages
Wrapped in bacon and done to a shrivel
Nor the firmness of Brussels growing all year round
No! It's the length of your parsnip that's vital!
Crackers may crack and candles may flicker,
Real custard takes time but instant is quicker,
Gingerbread houses impress all who see,
Mince pies taste good with a pot of strong tea.
But it's not all the sweetness and chocolates,
The nibbles and nuts and cheeses,
Nor the bite of your Brussels that matter at all,
No! It's the length of your parsnip that teases.
So if you're growing veg for Christmas,
That most important dinner
Forget the sprouts, they matter not
Just make your parsnip longer and thicker!