'Ear, ear

The doctor peered into my ear. To give him credit, he didn't recoil.

'Full of infection!' he announced, cheerfully, much as one would say 'Full of vitamins!' when looking at an orange.

He looked in my other ear.

'Clear as a bell!' he announced. 'But then I expect you knew that.'

I did. I have been feeling decidedly lop-sided the last five days. Stupidly, I went to work yesterday. I felt feverish, I couldn't hear anything in my right ear which was sore and throbbing, and I was blowing my nose non-stop in a way that was making even the most vile of children cringe and cover their heads with their jumpers. But I had a huge dose of GUILT! I had to go in. I'd already had two days off work, I couldn't countenance a third.

'You look awful,' said my head of department. 'Why don't you go home?'

Later, after I'd tried teaching a couple of classes and was having trouble standing upright, she returned.

'Go home,' she said. 'And do not come back until you are well.'

And as a parting gift, she gave me a pile of mock exam papers to mark. Presumably to assuage my feelings of guilt. A challenging school is no place for heroes or martyrs.

So, back at the doctor's. He is a new doctor. Our old Dr Chuckles has retired. The new doc is efficient, proficient, cheerful and tall. Very tall.

'The best things you can take for your humdinger of an ear infection (and yes, he did use the word 'humdinger') are penicillin and Nurofen,' he said. 'But I see from your notes you are allergic to both.'

I nod, to one side. My head feels weighed down by a brick.

'So the next best thing are erythromycin and paracetemol,' he said. 'Here's a prescription. Do not return to work until you are a) pain free b) able to hear and c) able stand upright and walk in straight line. And if you get any trouble at work for being away, tell them to ring me here at the surgery. I AM the DOCTOR!' he finished.

Indeed he is!

My Mum, who had stepped in as taxi-driver to take me to the surgery, then drove me to a nearby pharmacy to get my antibiotics. And here I learned a lesson. That those of us who pay for our prescriptions because we work and contribute big time to the tax system in this country have to take second place to those who do not pay for their prescriptions and kick off big time when their free prescription of methadone is not forthcoming EFFIN' NOW!

Honestly, I stood in that chemist shop, my ear thobbing , blowing buckets of green ectoplasm from my long-suffering nose, hanging onto the counter so I didn't fall over, having to listen to this...this....person and her friend shouting and swearing and stomping around like they owned the place because things weren't being done their way, and their way NOW! Sorry, EFFIN' NOW!

Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Daily Mail moment over.

I recline now, at home, on the chaise. I am surrounded by cats who have taken it upon themselves to create a healing triangle around me - Tybalt at my head, Pandora on my lap and Phoebe by my feet. My wonderful, WONDERFUL husband (who has picked up some of my germs and has a cold) has supplied me with two new DVDs, a newspaper and a teeny, tiny hot water bottle in a teeny tiny knitted cover with a bear on it to press against my poor ear. He is sooooooooooo lovely!

My daughter came home with a pressie for me, too. A new pair of soft cotton jim-jams and a posy of the brightest yellow tulips.

I feel very loved. I feel very blessed to be surrounded by people who care for my well-being.

When I am better, I shall make them cake.