From my death bed

Reader, I write this evening from my death bed...well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but flippin' heck, do I feel ill or what?

I knew it would happen. I said to Andy, 'I bet you that within 3 weeks I'll have picked up every bug going in that school and be as sick as a pig.'

And I was right! Aha!!

But the satisfaction of being right is far outweighed by the sense of all round crappiness I am feeling right now. Starting with a bout of tonsillitis 2 weeks ago, I have now amassed the following - a sore throat, a rattly chest, a deaf right ear, a lost voice, a cough, the inability to taste anything, non-stop sneezing, a runny nostril, a blocked up nostril, feeling so tired I can't sleep, occasional dizziness, a strange little lump in the side of my neck (glands? The embryo of my twin??) and an overwhelming feeling when I am standing in the classroom of 'what on earth do I think I'm doing?'

My Head of Department said to me, 'Stay at home tomorrow. You are too ill to be here. Do not come back until you are feeling better.'

And normally, because I don't do 'ill', I would battle on. But actually, I am going to stay home tomorrow. Because the thought of battling on is making me want to cry.

So, today I walked home through the freezing rain, which probably didn't do me much good, and found a delivery note saying a parcel had been left for me - 'Back.' I took this to mean the parcel had been left at the back of the house so I went to the back garden, and found the parcel. It was a cardboard parcel. Containing a couple of books I'd ordered from Amazon. Books made from paper. Wrapped in cardboard. And left out in the rain.

I thought, 'If I unwrap this soggy cardboard parcel and find my new books are all wet, I don't care how close to death's door I feel, I am STRAIGHT onto the parcel delivery company to tell them EXACTLY how stupid I think their delivery drivers are. (See, there's life in the old girl yet! Will I be beaten by an army of germs? Not if I can help it.)

Luckily for the delivery company, although the outside cardboard was sodden, the books therein were dry.

Both books are about knitting. One is about how to knit fairy stories. Apparently, you get a frog and a bear and spin them into yarn. Then, using a beanstalk and Jack Spratt as knitting needles, you...no,no.no! Stop it, Denise!

And the second book is about knitting tea cosies. I never knew tea cosies could knit, so I'm looking forward to that read immensely.

So tomorrow, so long as I make it through the night, the plan is this - get up, eat toast, take medication, slump on sofa, drink tea, sleep. Read a bit of knitting book, drink more tea. Give chickens half a cabbage (Mrs Pumphrey now in possession of complete bottom fluffage),take medication. If I can stand up for about an hour, I'll make some marmalade. Drink more tea. Slump. Sleep. Slump. Sleep.

Slump.

That'll do.