Ground Force Part 2

We make a good team, Andy and I! Yesterday morning, the back garden/ chicken run plan took a great leap forward. Enthusiasm, compromise and no tea and cake until the first part of the fence was up were the order of the day.

This is how 'Team ANDYNISE' worked: (note my cunning wordplay in combining our names and making us sound like a brand of drain cleaner)

1) I took Andy a cup of tea in bed and shoved my artfully drawn plan for the back garden under his nose. He grunted approval (or is he catching a cold?) and made one or two suggestions which I agreed/ disagreed with but (and here is the trick ladies) I didn't tell him which was which!

2) we had breakfast and decided where to make our purchases. B & Q was out because there is never any sense of briskness at the tills and we were keen to get on (well, I was, and Andy got SWEPT up in my enthusiasm!), Homebase was out because I get easily distracted by their fluffy cushions and wallpaper with big flowers on it, so we went to Wickes because you can go in, get what you want and get out quick no probs.

3) In Wickes, Andy blatantly disregarded the sign that said 'PULL THE TROLLEYS, DON'T PUSH THEM OR THEY'LL GO ALL WIBBLY-WOBBLY' and did some wild, wibbly-wobbly pushing. I said 'It says to pull the trolleys' and he gave me a bit of look that said 'Back down,' so I did. We walked past the display which was selling bark chippings on a 'buy 3 for less' offer. Andy saw the look in my eye that suggested I might load his trolley immediately with many large and heavy bags of bark chippings and he said 'We'll get those on the way out.' I tried not to look too crestfallen.

4) We looked at various styles of fencing and wire mesh and posts and spiky post holders. We shared ideas about what we should buy which basically meant that I put random stuff on the trolley and Andy took it off and put on the stuff we REALLY needed. We ended up with 3 willow trellises, one fence post, one spiky fence post holder and six bags of bark chippings.

5) we discovered that not all our purchases would go in the car in one hit. Andy took the bark chippings, post and spikey post holder home and left me to guard the three willow trellises in the carpark. I while away the 20 minutes he is gone by glaring at people who park in the disabled bays with my best 'You-are-clearly-not-disabled' look. Andy returns, we put the trellises in the car and travel home with the trellises banging me in the back of the head.

6) we are on a roll now! Out come hammers and nails, digging implements and chickens. I dig the whole side of the garden that will be the long part of the chicken run, the chickens diving for worms as I go. I remove the remains of old shrub roots because I will not be beaten by lumps of bark. Andy nails the three willow trellises together and digs a hole to start off the process of banging in the spiky fence post holder/ fence post combo. I even see him using a tape measure rather than his usual 'Oh, it'll go there, that looks about right,' method. (Which can sometimes be around 6 man inches out).

7) Andy proceeds to bang the fence post into the ground using a rubber mallet. This is ineffectual and our neighbour agrees because he leans over the fence to offer the use of his huge metal sledgehammer. Gggggrrrrrhhh!!!!!! Proper man stuff!! Far more effective and even more so when Andy climbs onto a garden chair so he is above the six foot pole and can really give it a good whack!

8) Andy opens the bags of bark chippings and we cover the apex of the garden with them. Instant neat garden! We are a bit concerned as the bark chippings smell peculiar, sort of creosotey. Andy checks the packaging. 'It says they are safe for children's play areas,' he says. 'Who cares about kids?' I say. 'These are our chickens we're talking about.' We spread the chippings and pray for 4 live chickens in the morning. And now the hens have a big scratchy, barky ,behind-some-lovely- willow- trellis play area!! We stand back and admire our handiwork. Andy builds the hens a little roosting bench in the sunshine. The one shrub I can't get out of the ground will be handy for hanging cabbages and CD's on for chicken entertainment. We decide to abandon our plans to build the rest of the run from posts and galvanised green steel netting. We like the willow trellis so we're going to use more of that instead. It will be aesthetically pleasing.

We spend the rest of the day pausing periodically to admire our labours and say how lovely the garden is starting to look and aren't we dynamic? (whilst at the same time trying not to sound too smug). We are a good team, Andy and I.