How to plant a raised bed...or not, as the case may be...

Here are the instructions on how to plant a new raised bed. You will need:
1) seeds appropriate for the time of year (in this case carrots, radish and lettuce
2) a digging fork
3) a trowel
4) a seed labels and a pencil
5) a bucket load of determination
6) another bucket load of patience

You WILL NOT need:
1) four hens

...but they will help anyway...

METHOD:
1) Remove one side of netting from cover on raised bed, remembering to memorise the configuration of rocks and tent pegs initiated by husband so they can be reinstated after planting in exactly the same position
2) Stand back as hens barge past you under the netting and onto the raised bed
3) Standing outside raised bed, use digging fork to agitate soil into some semblance of 'fine tilth' ready to receive seed - take care not to impale hens on fork tines as they wrestle for upturned worms and other assorted bugs
4)Remove hens from beneath netting
5) Repeat step 4. Several times.
6) Kneel down, arms akimbo, to shield entrance to raised bed from further chicken attack. Discover you've knelt in dollop of chicken poo.
7) Climb inside raised bed and close net curtain
8)Remove chicken that has crept in behind you without you noticing
9) Say 'Aha!' in loud and triumphant voice that the chickens are now outside the raised bed net and you are under the raised bed net.
10) Say 'Oh,' when you realise all your seeds for planting are also outside the raised bed net with the chickens
11) Retrieve seeds quickly.
12) Remove chicken from under netting. (This is usually the quickest, most persistent one. 'That'll be me!' says Mrs Miggins.)
13) Go into house and find apple as distraction for chickens. Cut apple into quarters. Try to put wellies back on feet using only one hand whilst holding four quarters of apple without dropping them
14) FLING apple as far away from raised bed as possible. Chickens will be unable to resist and race after the apple. You now have a very short time in which to get those seeds in the ground
15) Dash back under netting cover, make shallow seed drills, wrestle seed from packets, think 'Oh bother,' because your plant labels and pencil are still in the greenhouse, but no time to go and get them so you just grab bits of stray stick and pebbles, anything, to mark the ends of the rows you are planting
16) Remove chicken from raised bed, the one who crept in without you noticing and is now eating your radish seed straight from the packet. ('That'll be me again! says Miggins. 'Well, I just hope you don't start growing radish in your oviduct,' I say, 'because then we'll be in trouble.')
17) Cover over seed, doesn't matter how, because now you are really past caring
18) Back out of raised bed trying not to kneel in more chicken poo and replace net cover, remembering where those carefully positioned rocks and tent pegs go
19) Open up net cover to retrieve chicken trapped inside before they dig up your carefully (!) sown seed
20) Go indoors and have a cup of tea and flapjack

It's easy, really.