Night blindness and being a stoooodent

I woke in the middle of the night and had a brief panic attack because I thought I'd lost the power of vision. And then I remembered that Andy had installed a black-out blind in our bedroom the previous day as one of our many attempts to get him a good night's sleep and it seemed to be doing its job rather well. Phew, I thought, because it would be highly inconvenient for my sight to start wavering now, especially as I have dug out my anatomy and physionomy text books and am being a stooooodent in preparation for setting up my alternative therapy business.

I did A LOT of studying yesterday. I was VERY STUDIOUS. I had notebooks, and reference books, highlighter pens and sticky notes that I stuck in RELEVANT PLACES. I committed names of muscle structures and bones and cells to my memory, then stared studiously at the ceiling like real students do in an attempt to remember them. And what these structures did and where they were in the body and what happened if they went wrong. Some I remembered. Some I didn't. Some I did because they sounded vaguely rude. Some I did because they sounded like a gnome in a kitchen making cheese on toast (the gastrocnemius - it's in your calf. I have a particularly fat one but apparently that is a sign of good arteries so that's okay. Does a calf have calf muscles? I'll have to ask the vet. I expect they do; they'd fall over otherwise. The calf, not the vet.)

With the writing habit swinging along nicely and Indigo Antfarm, Violet and Blue gathering apace (Violet got married to Jensen the other day - they had an Elvis themed wedding and just as I was writing about Jensen dancing in his blue suede shoes, the actual song was played on the radio I was listening to, so I'll take that as pointer I am still heading in the right direction), I've decided I am going to employ myself part-time as an alternative therapist. I am already qualified in therapeutic massage and I intend to add to this by doing a course in aromatherapy. To that I plan to add reflexology and possible diet and nutrition except I'll need to lose a bit more weight as I don't want clients pointing at any errant bulginess twixt hips 'n' thighs and saying things like, 'What do you know about diet and nutrition, Mrs Blobby?' Actually, I know quite a lot about diet and nutrition. It's just a lack of practising what I preach that is a problem. So I really should try and be a walking advert for my business which means, dearest Andy, there maybe a few dietary changes about the hooose, I'll see how I feel later today when I've polished off the rest of the shortbread.

That's my plan, anyway. And yes, I know God laughs in the face of plans but I think us lesser mortals need plans or else we'd wander about without aim or purpose and that way bad habits lie. And possible dragons.

Besides, I like studying. I like learning new stuff. Unless its maths. I like human biology, partly because I want to be one step ahead of any malaise that may befall me and partly because I think the human body is a dangerous mixture of fascinating cleverness and tragic disaster. And I think being a stooooodent in one's forties is a very Bohemian thing to do. It means I can swan around being vague and interesting and slightly scruffy-looking, impressing people with masses of piles of books scattered all over the place. It means I get to buy books with good excuse and I get to write in books which always had a naughty feel to it having been told as a child it was a MORTAL SIN to deface a book with a pen/pencil/ orange wax crayon after I practised pretend writing when I about 4 years old in my favourite book called 'Pookie Puts the World Right' (which was about a rabbit with wings and a little girl called Belinda. I was very keen on rabbits as a child, but looking back Belinda was quite, quite annoying.)

So, the massage couch has been retrieved from the loft and dusted down. I flung myself around on it a bit and it is still solid and stable. I have purchased some sweet almond oil with which to start pummelling Andy. (I could use sunflower oil but I wasn't sure if the stuff you use as a massage medium and the stuff you use to fry onions in are one and the same thing and I didn't think he'd appreciate being dowsed in Flora's polyunsaturated best just in case.) I have researched aromatherapy courses. I am 'All Systems Go.'

We have a nice new blind in the bathroom too. It is a shiny pearlised blue and it does a shimmery thing when you twiddle the knob to open and close it. But mostly today I shall be writing and studying and not playing with the new blinds. I even have a timetable. Just like a proper stoooodent.