Polytunnel growing

How to grow a polytunnel:
1) Buy a packet of polytunnel seeds. You only get one in a packet and they aren't cheap, so make sure you wait until the time is right before sowing.
2) Take polytunnel seed from packet.
3) Plant seed. Water well.
4) Wait a day
5) Voila! Instant polytunnel!!

...and then Andy woke up...

Did you know that today was National Naked Gardening Day? No, neither did we until we got back from 5 and a half hours at the allotment and got to read the newspapers. What an opportunity we missed there.

Anyway, the sun was up, we were up, we were breakfasted (home grown eggs on home made bread toasted into toast), we packed plenty of water, insect repellent, pink radio and silly floppy hats, and off we went to the allotment to start the Great Bank Holiday Weekend Polytunnel Project. Andy had read the instruction book, watched the 'How to Build a Polytunnel' video on the internet, gathered together the relevant tools and braced himself for some Heavy Duty Man Building. Gggrrrrrrr!!!!

'You never know,' I said, as we zipped through town, 'someone might offer to give you a hand once you get started.'
'No!' said Andy. 'I don't want any help. I want to build this ALL BY MYSELF, do you hear? ALL BY MYSELF!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!!'

There was a look in Andy's eye. A look that said 'I want to build this polytunnel ALL BY MYSELF!!!Mwahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!'

So, I settled down to some serious weeding, and earthing up of potatoes (again...good grief, we'll have our own mountain range soon if they keep shooting up at this rate), and watering the beans and peas which are being very good and twirling themselves around the poles and netting I put up for them. And Andy settled himself down with a large tape measure, a long spirit level, a spade and several bits of meccano-type metals of various shapes, sizes and bendiness.

It was hot. The sun beat down mercilessly on our silly floppy hats. An insect landed on my arm ready to take a bite then flung itself off and expired when it tasted my eau de insect spray. If we had known it was National Naked Gardening Day we might have been tempted to give it our full support.

We swigged from our water supplies.
'I hope you are doing any diggin gover there!' shouted Andy. 'Don't make your foot worse now it's getting better.'
'Okay! I yelled back, surreptitiously hiding the fork behind my one good leg.

Periodically, I was summoned to assist with the process of accurate measuring. You have to get your corners and angles just right. Andy wasn't specific about what would happen if we were a bit skew-whiff with our corners and angles, but I imagine ripped polythene might figure heavily somewhere in the equation. Much use was made of Pythagoras's theorum, much jiggling of base plates and hoop anchors was done until the magic words 'That'll do. It's within tolerance,' were uttered.

And then! Up went the first hoop!!
'Good grief!' I said, staring into the sky. 'It looks like the Millennium Dome!'

Up went Hoop 2 and then Hoop 3. And then the top bar to hold it all steady. It is HUGE!!! Wow!!! And oddly enough, it has given personality to Plot 87.

Andy's screw driver ran out of power at this point so we went home.

And do you know what he's doing now, this very moment?

'What's he doing?' says Miggins, peering through the net curtains of Cluckinghen Palace at the banging going on on the lawn (yes, we have a bit of a back lawn growing back). 'He's disturbing my watching of Robin Hood.'
'He's building something,' says Mrs Poo.
'What?' says Miggins.
'Looks like doors for a polytunnel,' says Poo, who knows about these things, having once been an carpenter's apprentice before she hooked up with the Gemsta for a bit of Formula One mechanics.
'Not a toboggan then?' says Slocombe.
'Or a Swedish Sauna?' says Pumphrey, 'it looks like the door to a Swedish Sauna to me.'
'Definitely a polytunnel door,' says Poo. 'I hope he watches what he's doing with that hammer though. What with it being National Naked Gardening Day.'