Fat ponies and first plunge into e-bay

Yesterday, my Mum took me to a local print shop with the painting of Lily and Tybalt (the one that has been requested by a jigsaw company because they want to manufacture a jigsaw from it.) The artist had arranged for the painting to be scanned. The scan will then wing its way to Ireland, home of the artist, and then be 'recreated' via photoshop onto something for something or other and then the jigsaw company will diddle and fiddle and do something else and....okay, I admit I don't know all the hows and wherefores of this clearly complicated and manly IT project but the process is now underway.

As we travelled to the designated print shop, Mum told me about the recent demise of two of her Thelwell pony plate collection. By demise, I mean they have plunged to the floor and shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. She was clearly upset by this and was talking about writing to the original manufacturers to buy replacements.

'Don't do that just yet,' I said. 'I'll have a look on e-bay and see if I can find replacements on there.'

I don't know why I said this because I have never delved into e-bay in a bid 'n' purchase capacity before, but it seemed the right thing to do.

Anyway, Lily and Tybalt painting scanned, Mum dropped me home and I went straight onto the interwebbly and did an explore of e-bay.

You know what I mean by Thelwell ponies, don't you? They are cartoon paintings by Norman Thelwell of fat little barrells of recalcitrant ponies topped by small children clinging on for dear life as they race through the countryside/ gymkhanas/ foxhunts etc causing mayhem and chaos. They are very detailed and quaintly entertaining. I have a set of these plates too, because Mum and I collected them together way back in the early Eighties. My set is balanced on a plate rack half way up the stairs and remain miraculously intact. I thought, if I can't find replacements Icould always give Mum two from my collection. She told me which ones had been broken - they were 'Water Jump' and 'Full Flight.'

And guess what? There they were both on e-bay and bidding was due to end in less than 8 hours!

'Right,' I thought. 'I'm going to bid for them.'

First, I had to set up an account. That was a bit of a malarkey but once it was set up, away I went. There was only one other person after them and the bidding was at £3.00 for one plate and £6.95 for the other.

I entered bids of an extra 20p each because that was the suggestion. Immediately, it came back I had been outbid.
'How did that happen?' I mutter, being an e-bay virgin and not fully comprehending of how it all works and the 'tricks' one needs to employ to be in the lead and increase your chances of securing the purchase. It was a very frantic afternoon. There was a flurry of back'n'forth bidding around mid-afternoon, then it went quiet. I was in the lead. I was feeling smug. So far we had reached £10.50 for one plate and £12 for the other. I had already checked other sources for these plates and they were selling for £29.99 elsewhere. I thought. 'Now don't go wild. Stay calm. DO NOT get sucked into paying a ludicrous amount just because you get caught up in the thrill of the chase.' I tried to switch e-bay off, but I was getting paranoid about being outbid.

Andy came home to find me staring saucer-eyed at the laptop muttering, 'Don't outbid me, I'm in the lead, I'm going to win, the happiness of my mother depends on my successful bidding.'
'Why don't you enter a maximum bid?' said Andy, who is an e-bay officianado.
'How do you mean?' I said.
'Well, put in the maximum you are prepared to pay, then there is a better chance the person bidding against you won't pip you to the post by another 20p in the last few seconds of the auction.'
'CAN THEY DO THAT???' I shrieked. 'BUT I WANT TO WIN! I HAVE TO WIN!'
'You're not going to turn into an e-bay monster are you?' said Andy. I put my elbow over the list of other exciting things I'd found on e-bay that afternoon - like egg cups, cat ornaments, antique plates, Tiffany jewellery, Vespa scooters and water butts.
'No,' I said. 'It's just that getting these plates will make my mum happy.'
On Andy's advice I entered a maximum bid of £15 for each plate. He reassured me that I won't pay £15 if the bidding stays with me at £10.50 and £12.

It was a tense evening. Refresh the page - 38 minutes to go.
'WHY'S IT GONE RED?' I shrieked.
'Because there is less than hour until the auction ends,' said Andy.
'AND NOT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN OUTBID?'
'No, you are still winning.'
'PHEW!'

I was refreshing the page every thirty seconds. I could tell Andy wanted to smack my fingers.

And then the auction was over! No last second interceptions from the other bidder. I HAD WON!!! Both plates! I phoned Mum.

'We won!' I said. She was very, very pleased especially as we'd got them both for a grand total of £22.50.

'You are a gem,' she said.

PS. For the vet nurses - it is no good trying to goad Andy with the misuse of the word 'legend' malarkey when referring to things that are clearly not legends because they actually exist. It is me who gets tetchy about such things, and if Andy went on about it too much whilst at BSAVA this year then it was probably the wine talking and he won't have remembered anything about it. Tim, you ARE NOT a legend. I have met you. You are a real person.