Useful things to do with a kitten including musical theatre

I sometimes stand in the kitchen and look at the fridge. It is a big fridge - one of those tall jobbies with no pointless icebox taking up valuable courgette storage space in the summer and goose storing space at Christmas. It fits very snugly between two pull out larders with a bridging cupboard over the top. I think, 'I ought to pull the fridge out and clean/ dust/ hoover/ sandblast under and behind it.'

But it is a big fridge, which would require much huffing and puffing and heaving to shift it, especially as I am a mere girl, with girly muscles and lacking in any technical-mindedness. And then I would have to avoid dropping it on Phoebe and Tybalt who make it their mission to get under my feet when I'm pulling the freezer out for a clean and defrost and our freezer is only half the size of the enormous fridge so you can imagine the chaos, can't you?

I've tried to get various implements down the tiny gaps either side of the fridge. Mop, broom, hoover crevice nozzle, j-cloth-on-a-stick, cotton bud, but to no effective avail.

What I've never tried is a kitten.

Kittens work very well. Firstly, they are tiny, bendy and stretchy and can make themselves long and thin and get into all awkward spaces. Secondly, they are covered in fur which gathers up all sorts of fluff, dust, cobwebs, dried apple cores, stray cereal and sunflower seeds and other unmentionables that have succumbed to various stages of decay. Thirdly, they think it's a great game to be going places that they shouldn't be going, so the more you say 'Pandora, come out of there IMMEDIATELY,' the more Pandora will not do as she is told and the cleaner your gaps between the enormous fridge and the cupboards will become.

You see, it works on so many levels. All you have to do is catch the kitten as she exits the fridge/cupboard gap before she rushes off to spread detritus around the rest of the house, give her a bit of a shake and a brush and everyone is happy. Pandora has had fun learning more about the world she has lived in for a mere 9 weeks, I've saved my back from having to heave an enormous fridge half-way across the kitchen and Phoebe and Tybalt have escaped Death-by-Fridge Crushing.

'It's cheap labour,' says Tybalt, who is starting to take a bit of a shine to Pandora because a) she is showing 'race-around-the-house-like-a-loon' potential and b) she spends a lot of time following him around and gazing adoringly at him, my hero-like.
'And what's wrong with that?' says Phoebe, who shows turns of speed only when she is being chased by Tybalt or has had a sniff of catnip.
'Well, it's not right, is it?' says Tybalt. 'It's all a bit Victorian sending-the-child-up-the-chimney, isn't it? We're in the 21st century now. We should be valuing our young. Every Kitten Matters, and all that.'

Phoebe eyes the chimney in the living room. 'There's a thought,' she says to herself and gives a quiet chuckle 'MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

'What's so funny?' says Pandora, returning from her latest game of 'let's play behind the enormous fridge with the dust bunnies.'
'Nothing, nothing,' says Phoebe. 'Tell me, do you like musical theatre?'
'Ooooh yes,' says Pandora. 'I love 'Annie.' THE SUN'LL COME OUT, TOMORRA! BETCHA BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORRA....'
'Yes, yes,' says Phoebe. 'What about er, 'Mary Poppins', for another example?'
Pandora shrugs. 'Dunno,' she says, 'not heard of that one. I like 'The Sound of Music.' HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE PANDORAAAAAAAAA? HOW DO YOU CATCH A CAT AND PIN HER DOOOOOOOOOWN!!!? HOW DO YOU...'
'You've never heard of Mary Poppins?' says Phoebe, amazed, because it's her very favourite, even more so than Starlight Express. (I bet you thought I was going to say 'Cats'? Come on now, I wouldn't be THAT obvious, would I?)
'No, but I've heard of cows,' says Pandora, 'ahahahahahahaha!'
Phoebe sighs. 'That joke's already been covered at Much Malarkey Manor. I suggest you do a bit of back reading to avoid any more social faux pas.'
'AND NOOOOOOOOW IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S..........SPRING-TIME.....FOR HITLER....IN GERRRRMANEEEEEEEEEEE....'sings Pandora. 'I love 'The Producers' too. Especially 'Haben sie gerhert das Deutscher Band? MIT A BOOM, MIT A BANG, MIT A BIM-BAM-BIM-BAM BOOOOOOM!!!!'

Phoebe looks at Tybalt and Tybalt looks at the Phoebe. For the first time in many years, united they stand. Or sit, in Phoebe's case.
'She's going to be hard work, isn't she?' says Phoebe.
Tybalt nods. 'I don't think you should tell Denise you are planning to teach her 'Chim-chimminey, chim-chimminey, chim-chim cheree,' though, ' he says.