Henceforth I am English

I've just finished reading a book called 'Real England' by Paul Kingsnorth, who is a young but very wise environmental writer. It is sub-titled 'The Battle Against the Bland,' and I finished it at 6 a.m having leapt out of bed at 5.30 because my bedside clock battery had expired which I hadn't noticed last night so I thought it was ten to eight instead. And once I was up and realised it was only 5.30 I was wide awake so thought I'd make the most of the quiet dawn time and some toast 'n' Marmite (Love it!) and finish reading the book.

It's all about how England (not Britain) is losing its identity and becoming a mass of clone towns; about how the big multi-national companies like Stirbugs and Cafe Nerd, and Tezzco and Aitch 'n' Em are stampeding small individual companies and turning our towns and villages into characterless and faceless blobs, all in the pursuit of 'progress' and 'development' and 'profit', or as Paul Kingsnorth calls it, 'The Thing.' The book covers a diverse range of topics from farming and orchards, through to our waterways and canals, to Chinatown in London, and markets and urbanisation. It is the kind of book that gets my dander up and makes me want to DO something about preserving my cultural identity. It is the kind of book that makes me want to shriek 'NO!' at Mr Big and shout 'Hurrah!' for Mr Small. (Not my old RE teacher I hasten to add, who was called Mr Small; ironic really as he was well over 6 feet tall).

It seems to me that you have to apologise for being English these days. That England has come to represent some undesirable pimple on the face of progress. That if you subscribe to nostalgia and tradition, which I do, then you are seen as being resistant to change and progress.

What I want to know is, who says that change and progress are necessarily good things? Take my local leisure centre. They've just introduced a new computer system. The old system of 'showing your membership card at Reception' has been replaced with a new barcoded membership card which has to be swiped and then a small picture of you appears on the computer screen and you are issued with a ticket. I don't really want the ticket. I throw it away immmediately. My old membership card had my picture on it.

The new system seemed to be causing some problem this morning by declaring that everyone was aged 5 years and 5 months, so the receptionist was having to write all the ticket details down on a piece of paper using a pen (you know, like in the old days before computers were invented).

'So what was wrong with the old system?' I asked, when I finally made it through the turnstile.
The receptionist shrugged. 'Nothing,' she said.

Meanwhile, three of the hairdryers in the ladies changing room are broken and the water this morning was freezing because the heating is up the creek. I am suspicious that these things can't be recitified at the moment because of budgetary constraints caused by the installation of a new computer system to replace the perfectly viable old one.

Ah well...

...but it is this 'ah well,' attitude that Paul Kingsnorth is railing against. He wants people to stand up against the bureaucracy that is suffocating the wonderful heritage and traditions of England. He is saying that 'The Thing' the Government want us to have that will (supposedly) bring us happiness and prosperity won't actually work, isn't actually working and that we shouldn't accept that Government (and I am talking national and local here) are right when they spout on about progress and change being important.

But I have thought this for a long, long time. Why can't we happy with the status quo? Why can't we be content with the small nuances of life, rather than the modern-day must-have pressures that turn living into existence? It's all target setting, models for progression, conforming, and being encouraged to want more and more and it is killing individuality and quirkiness.

It isn't good. But this book is. It is a thinker's book. It contains some pretty shocking facts about what really goes on in local government to pander to the whims of companies like Tezzco. Actually, in the old days this kind of behaviour was called bullying, but we mustn't harp on about the old days must we, because the old days were BAD!

And did you know that England is the only British nation without any form of devolution? It is the only European nation without its own government or parliament? I think that is appalling.

I am English. My great-great-great grandfather invented Pimms for heaven's sake! And from now on, whenever I have to fill in a form that requires me to declare my nationality, I shall either cross out the word 'British' and write 'English' or fill in the word 'English' in the space left blank for 'Other.'

And I shan't apolgise either.