Sunday, 23 January 2011

Universal Truths

1) If you go into a dark kitchen first thing in the morning with bare feet, you will step in a pile of cat sick.

2) Bouffant hair will always startle you, especially if it's on your head and you aren't expecting it.

3) Every time you walk past a dog in a park, it will think you are its owner and try to follow you home. Especially if it's a chocolate labrador called Harry.

4) If you go for a walk in the park, and you don't notice the 'Bridge Closed' sign, you will cross the bridge and find you can only escape the other end by performing some tricky manoevre with a wobbly fence post and an overgrown path covered in mud, wet leaves and other assorted slime.

5) A grandchild will eat broccoli, and the weird veggie cheesy bean pie their grandmother makes for Sunday lunch, but you will have to take photographic evidence for when they turn their noses up at the same food when they are 5 years old and deny ever having eaten such food in the first place.

6) Sometimes you CAN keep too many oddments of wood 'just in case they come in handy.'

7) Jerusalem artichokes should never be consumed when one has company.

8) Some chickens will always be feather pluckers no matter how many times their companions peck them in the head and tell them not to do it.

9) Having a dream about your mother telling you how to clean your stairs does not mean a visit is imminent and you must get up 6 a.m and clean your stairs immediately.

10) Once a cat grows beyond a certain age, (around 6 months) certain patterns of behaviour become imbedded in their psyche and no amount of effort on your part will ever stop them trying to climb onto your lap at breakfast time by digging their claws into your thigh.

No comments: