Sunday, 20 March 2011

Plate Throwing

Now, I just need to set a record straight. It is to do with an injury sustained by ANDY on Friday. The injury was the RESULT of a series of events which started when ANDY decided to re-arrange HIS study about a month ago. You will notice I am capitalising certain words - words that indicate my total lack of involvement with the INJURY sustained by ANDY on Friday.

On re-arranging HIS study, ANDY moved various book cases to make maximum use of the space available. The moved book shelves caused the double socket into which the propagator and the wireless router are plugged to become restricted of access.

By 'restricted of access,' I mean that in order to switch these two items on and off, you have to kneel on the floor, forehead on carpet, and worm your hand under one of the shelves to reach the switches. The restricted access is because ANDY decided to re-arrange HIS study.

Now, the kneeling down to reach the switch has to take place in the doorway of ANDY'S STUDY. And half-way up the door frame of ANDY'S STUDY there is the sticky out part of the door latch that connects with the other part of the door latch attached to the door. This sticky out part of the latch is very sharp and it connected with ANDY'S HEAD when he arose from the prone position after switching off the propagator on Friday morning because the beetroot had propagated.

Thus, Andy went to work with a three inch gash on his head.

And when he got to work, the conversation apparently went like this:

Tim: What happened to your head?
Andy : Denise threw a plate at me.
Tim: Wow? Did she really?

I would like to state catagorically that I have never thrown a plate at anyone in my life, least of all at their heads so as to cause a nasty injury. The most violent I get with throwing things at other things is cushions at cats when they are misbehaving and then I aim to miss (which is generally the same as aiming to hit but I am a very bad shot.) I have been known to throw a fly swat at a hornet when they are attacking the Malarkey bees, but I feel, even though I am a vegetarian, I am justified in my hornet swatting in the name of protecting bees.

I hope that's cleared up any misconceptions, and that any future injuries sustained by Andy will be due to either a) him re-arranging stuff and not remembering the new locations of things he has re-arranged or b) his appalling spatial awareness (he is of the Taurus persuasion - bulls and china shops and all that jazz) or c) my aim suddenly improving!

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