Wednesday, 14 November 2012

11 Things Part 1

As usual, the time-sucker that is school has left me lacking in little moments in the day avec to blog, so my attempt at responding to the Liebster award will have to be tackled in three parts, unless I get a sudden rush of wind at the end of the week. Very unlikely as I feel quite exhausted today. Mostly because of my sixth form. We are studying a Restoration play called 'The Rover.'

'When was the Restoration?' said I, suspicious that they hadn't done their historical context research as requested by moi. And suspicious rightly so, as it turns out, as they pitched in with suggestions that maybe it was some time around the First World War? When James I was on the throne? And wasn't Spain involved, ma'am? Well, I was banging my head on the desk by the time I'd sorted that little mess out, I can tell you! And don't get me started on when they wanted to know if contraception was available in those days and I had to explain about pigs intestines tied with ribbon, and vinegar-soaked sponges, and they wasted ten minutes making inapppropriate 'YUKK!' noises. And these are youngsters who got A grades at GCSE! Exam standards going down? Of course they aren't, said she ironically.

Anyway, back to Liebster.

Firstly, eleven facts about myself:

(I have given these careful thought and have tried to avoid the obvious appertaining to cats, bees,  chickens, cake, flowers, books and writing)

1. Rice pudding and pomegranates make me physically sick. My mum had to send me to school with a note to excuse me from school dinner rice pudding because of the projectile effect.

2. The first song I ever remember hearing was 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.'

3. I got told off in my first year at primary school for chasing a boy around the classroom instead of making paper chain decorations for Christmas. I have never repeated this error. My lesson was learned at a very young age. Keep your eyes on the tinsel.

4. My grandad told me that burgers were made from elephants' trunks and for quite a long time I believed him.

5. I have never broken a bone in my body ( or anyone else's come to that). I hope this is not tempting fate.

6. I can play the flute and the guitar. Both very badly.

7. When I was nine, I won a handwriting competition. I wasn't even aware I had entered. My sample was entered by subterfuge. And that same year, and the following two years, I won the school sight reading competition much to the annoyance of Anita Harris who thought she had it in the bag. Ha!

8. When I draw elephants, I often forget to add ears, and it can take me ages to work out what's wrong with the picture. I try not to draw elephants too often. The irony of me forgetting and them never forgetting is just too awful to bear. I suspect if an elephant drew a picture of me, it would never forget to add ears.

9. On the morning of my first marriage, my right arm ( the register signing one) froze rigid and would not loosen even with an ample application of Ralgex by my Gran. I couldn't hold a pen. I should have seen this as a sign.

10. Conversely, on the morning of my second marriage, I failed to notice Andy hiding in the bushes at the venue when I popped in to check the tables in the marquee. He didn't want to break the tradition of not seeing the bride until we got to church, and on seeing me arrive ( he'd been in the
marquee inflating helium balloons)  he flung himself into the undergrowth surrounding the marquee. He said he surprised several unsuspecting rabbits.

11. I have a weird boney bump on my head about an inch above my left ear. As far as I am aware I have always had this bump. It's about the size of large grape. I like to think it's an intelligence bump. I suspect, given I've done some pretty stupid things in my time, that this is not so.


2 comments:

Azara said...

These are awesome!! I was thoroughly entertained. And pig intestines...yukk seems like a pretty appropriate response to that one!

Eileen said...

Interesting list - it was obvious you put some time into it. I'm most impressed that you won a handwriting contest - I'm left handed and I've always thought I should have been a doctor.

Of course, I'm missing that intelligence bump...

Hope your students "smarten up"