Sunday, 24 February 2013

To Fu or not To Fu...That is the Quornstion.

Today, Andy and I decided - well, it was Andy's decision actually so him being mad for once, and not me- that we are not going to use meat substitutes in our vegetarian extravaganza delights.

And I think he is right. I mean, if you want a sausage, eat a sausage and not a vegetarian substitute that is pretending to be a sausage. Unless it is a Glamorgan sausage of course, which is basically cheese and should be embraced as cheese that is ironically sausage shaped.

And if you want chicken fillet, eat chicken fillet and not quorn that has been shaped and cut to look like chicken fillet. Unless they are the kind of chicken fillets with which ladies use to pad out their lady bosoms for pneumatic effect. Which are equally scary and also will serve no purpose in our establishment.

(And whilst we are straying briefly into talk of the fabric of the cafe, rather than the food, I have in mind to make some cross-stitch embroidery pictures of a fruit 'n' veggie type nature (possibly comedy - I mean, how entertaining would a comedy carrot be?!) to hang upon the walls; and I also think Andy should draw some comedy hen pictures to hang also thusly. We are still wrangling over napkin colours though.)

And if you want something that looks like mince, you might as well eat, well...mince. The variety of beans and pulses out there are too many to substitute with some dubious-looking granula faux meat product. Why bother?

And although I do like quorn, and do eat it on occasion, I will not tolerate tofu. Might as well eat bits of sponge. And I don't mean delicious, light and fluffy sponge of the cake variety. I mean sponge of the bath time with the rubber duck variety. Oh, I have tried tofu, but it does nothing for me whatsoever. Could be the texture, could be that no matter what you cook it with it still tastes of old bath sponge. Whatever, tofu there shall be none.

To this end, we have been looking for a recipe for moussaka that does not use use veggie mince. And we have found one, which has been added to the experimental recipe list. The veggie burger tested yesterday was v. good indeed, and we think that serving veggie burgers in a brioche bun is definitely the way to go..., I know what some of you are thinking. You are thinking, 'Well, Denise and Andy...if you want a burger why don't you just have a burger?'

And you are quite right!

And as soon as I can come up with a smart Alec answer, I'll be right back at ya!

(P.S I need at this point to make an apology to long time Much Malarkey Manor resident, Olly, because I happen to know that one of her pet dislikes is people posting photos of their food on their blogs. Sorry Olly! Hope you understand that it is all in the name of research and that you are hanging on in there. And that when we are open for business, you shall receive a personal invitation for a free meal a deux for your patience, fortitude and support and for sharing a birthday avec moi, the hostess with the mostess!)


Andy said...

Of course, if I want a burger, I will have a burger. I don't object to us describing something as a vegetarian sausage, but I'd rather we made it ourselves. To be in as much control of the ingredients as possible is, I feel, the point. And I think that the less processed the food, the better. But, I'm not going to suggest we start grinding flour!

Denise said...

Daisy and Primrose have already offered to grind grain for flour providing we don't expect much return from the starting product. (I believe this to mean that they won't be held responsible for eating most of it, and given the speed with which they demolished some sunflower seeds this morning, I suspect we shall have enough flour with which to make a very tiny bun.)

Vera said...

What an interesting project for you two to be getting involved with. Good luck with it, and look forward to seeing what recipes you both come up with.

Olly said...

haha, that has made me laugh! What I object to is photos of everyday meals - which often seem to be a uniform brown - I am enjoying your culinary adventures very much, so don't worry, I won't be deserting MMM! In fact, I may ask for a room over the kitchen, the better to enjoy the smells wafting upwards. I am 100% with you on the 'fake meat' question, vegetarian food doesn't have to pretend to be anything else.

Denise said...

Thank you, Vera. I am thinking that chocolate chip and banana cake is a definite on the cake counter, along with your white chocolate version, too.

Olly, you are such a stalwart!! A room over the kitchen is waiting, with a butler's lift installed for the upward propulsion of yummy samples. (Are they called butler's lifts? You know what I mean, don't you...always fancied to have one, with a very loud bell so I shan't have to be disturbed from my chaise in my dotage!)

Olly said...

Ooh yes! And then I can sneak myself down in it at night to filch little extras ... er, it needs to be a LARGE butler's lift with strong cables!

Denise said...

Of course it will be a large butler's lift - it'll have me to contend with because when one has a butler's lift to play with, one shan't bother with stairs!

Or, and here is another option, I could get Primrose and Daisy to run a waitress service. They'll need the practise for our veggie cafe venture.