Food, glorious fooooood!!!!!!!!!

I like food. I like eating and cooking and looking at pictures of food in cookery magazines. The only food I don't like are rice pudding and pomegranates because they make me vomit. In fact, even thinking about them makes me want to......

.......sorry about that; where was I? Ah yes. I like food. I have devoted a majority of my life to thinking about food and as such you'll be unsurprised to learn I have struggled with my weight since, well, forever. However, I have lost a considerable amount of weight in the last 2 years and have kept it off, too. I am no longer morbidly obese (that's a nice phrase, isn't it?) nor ordinarily obese. I am in the middle of the range of being merely 'overweight' and if I lose another 17lbs I shall be 'normal'. Hurrah for that!! (Excuse me whilst I huff into my Oatiflakes).

Here are my tips for weight watching. They have worked for me over the last 2 years.

1) The following foods have no calorific content - cereal eaten straight from the packet, food tested whilst being cooked, any biscuits that break when you lift them from a baking tray, anything eaten whilst standing up.

2) Meringues weigh the same as air. Air is calorie free. Meringues are calorie free. (I believe this is called a syllogism - use it to impress your friends with your philosophical skills!)

3) Only keep food in your cupboards that make you vomit e.g rice pudding and pomegranates.

4)Wear a pedometer to make sure you do your 10,000 steps a day. If you don't leave the house much you may find yourself running on the spot whilst washing up/ ironing/ brushing your teeth. If this becomes too wearing, take off pedometer and shake up and down whilst watching telly.

5) Take up a hobby that requires you to use both hands such as knitting or cross stitch, thus precluding any twilight munching. (The smudge on my latest cross stitch is DEFINITELY NOT a blob of dried up Jaffa cake,okay?)

I hope these tips help. I have many more if anyone is interested. In the meantime, I shall continue to enjoy food. There is a saying linked with a certain famous weight loss company which declares 'Nothing tastes as good as the feeling of being slim.' They clearly haven't tried my chocolate chip shortbread fresh and warm from the oven....mmmmm...only 200 calories a slice. Unless you eat it standing up.