This can't be right...

Pigs in lipstick? Now, I've been on the planet nearly 43 years give or take an astral planing session or three and I've never heard this phrase before. And I've got an English lit degree AND I'm a writer so I get to tinker around with words quite a lot. I've heard of casting pearls before swine and making a silk purse from a sow's ear but pigs in lipstick? No, that can't be right. I mean, what shade would they wear? Do they go up to the cosmetics counter in Boots and say 'I'm worried this 'Sugar Plum Fairy' is looking a bit dated. What do you think? Does it still suit my skin tone or should I go for something a bit more beige, now I'm older? I'm a bit worried about my eyeshadow too. Can I book a make over?' 'Certainly modom. And if you make three purchases from our top range we'll varnish your hooves for free.' Pah! What next? Dogs in Burberry? Pigeons in pies? Camerons in government? It all sounds a bit far fetched to me.

But wait, of course! Silly me!! I forgot my heroine, my fashion icon, the figure I look at, nay aspire to be, in my quest for perfect femininity - Miss Piggy!! She wears lipstick, of course she does. She wouldn't ever be seen without it. Now there's a style queen AND an excellent candidate for Presidency of America.

Apparently, the meaning of the phrase is that even if you put lipstick on a pig (why would you want to, that's what I need to know - there are clearly some Americans out there with very special needs), it is still, beneath the lipstick, a pig. Well, of course it is, dimbos! If I, Denise, put on lipstick, then under the lipstick, I am still Denise. Lipstick doesn't have a magic transformative power, does it? 'Wear this lipstick and people will think you're an aardvark!' It's not going to catch on is it?

I made up a new simile yesterday in a short story I was writing for a competition. It was 'she was always regular, like a goose on prunes.' It got deleted in the final edit. Sometimes you just know that world isn't ready.