Thursday, 11 July 2013

Grant Me The Patience...

...to not tut when mothers and their off-spring charge out of their front gates because they are late for school, without a glance left or right and with scant regard for others who might be using the pavement and have to stop suddenly and/or swerve into the road to avoid a pedestrian collision aka me...

...to not commit violence on office equipment when the photocopier jams halfway through printing a fairly substantial document...

...to not shriek with derision at a hypochondriac child who is faffing about with an ice pack because he is convinced he is suffering friction burns on his back as a result of his school skirt rubbing violently against his skin...

...to not sigh with despair at having to fill in umpty-million risk assessment visit forms/ budget forms/ permission forms/ insurance forms with the same information umpty-million times in order for a summer school to happen...

...to not blush and let my jaw drop loudly and heavily onto the desk as a Year 10 girl lets rip a feisty diatribe of expletives because 'it ain't fair!' (Whatever 'it' might be)...

...to not huff loudly when experiencing close encounters with at least three cyclists using pavements which are meant for people and pedestrians because they all begin with 'p' and not 'b' for bicycle because that would be a 'bavement' which is a made up word for something that does not exist...

...to hold onto my stomach when arriving home to cat sick and cat poo because poor Pandora is suffering again...

...to laugh lightly at naughty Daisy-hens who somehow manage to escape their run and disappear into the herb bed where they decimate what is left of the strawberries because if anything non-human is going to eat the strawberries I would rather it be a chicken than a ********* slug...

...to not throw my mobile phone against wall in a fit of pique because I can't work out how to find out what my own mobile number is despite having had it for, what, three years now? But that's okay because it just proves I am not a slave to the God of Text and RingTone and can manage quite well without a mobile, thank you, and won't end up with a hand like a claw because I walk around clutching it all day...(btw, hens have hands like claws because they ARE claws and NOT hands. Hens are not slaves to the mobile either! Btw...'btw' stands for 'by the way' which is text-talk. But I still am not a slave to the God of Text and RingTone)...

And all this because it is best to laugh in the face of adversity than punch its lights out! 




9 comments:

Countryside Tales said...

I'm interested that the boys in your school wear "skirts", it must be a very progressive establishment?

Naughty girls, escaping and eating your strawberries. Ruby has asked me to tell them she tried the same thing yesterday while out on exercise in the back garden, hopping over the gate (despite having had her wing clipped) onto the patio when no-one was looking, but unfortunately she was spotted and "oooshed" (her word) away. She was very cross :-(

Lou Mary said...

Ha CT's comment about boys wearing skirts made me chuckle!

If it's any consolation our pup eats all mums flowers, the rosemary, the tansy plant and he even jumped up and ripped a branch off the raspberry plant. What cheeky animals we all own!

Many of those points would have required a lot of patience from myself also.

Well done for keeping your cool!

Denise said...

Oh, for goodness sake! SHIRTS! Not SKIRTS!! Oh, give me the patience not to swear at the predictive keypad when it thinks it knows better than me what I want to type. Clearly a comedian...

We do have naughtisome animals, indeed. Luckily, Daisy is a very placid hen, prone to neither anger nor tantrum. She is very easy to catch and return to base. However, I suspect she is plotting her next escape at this very moment.

Now who said I kept my cool!?? I was a seething mass of seethingness by the time I got home! Thank goodness it isn't a full moon!

Countryside Tales said...

Do you sprout whiskers?

Denise said...

Luckily, no. But I've just glanced downwards and my toe nails will need a good trim or they'll be ripping the bed socks to smithereens come midnight!

rusty duck said...

Yesterday I planted out two lollo rossa lettuce plants grown, with not a little difficulty, from seed.
Firmed lightly into the soil, watered, bid goodnight.
This morning there was only one.
Not slugs, no, not nibbled, but bitten off at soil level.
The whole plant.

P.S. I was worried about the skirts too.

Denise said...

Do not worry about the skirts! I am more worried about the student who is worried he may self-combust with friction from a piece of cloth! Actually, several of the Year 11 boys wore skirts on their last day before study leave this year. P'raps it might be a growing trend...

Is your mouse on the prowl again, stealing lettuce? Is he a Ninja Mouse??

Lou Mary said...

Ohh Shirts haha! Makes a lot more sense! I hope today you don't need so much patience :)

Vera said...

I find that laughing in the face of adversity makes adversity run out of the door tout suite! Keeping a grain of humour is a must if one is going to keep heading towards a deliciously eccentric old age.