Tuesday, 2 July 2013

The Natural Order

This is the natural order of things:

1) It rains
2) The rain brings out the snails
3) The snails make a snail-line towards the almost ripe strawberries hiding amongst the herbs in the herb bed
4) I make a Denise-line towards the snails
5) I grab the snails that are heading towards the almost ripe strawberries 
6) I fling them towards the chicken run where Primrose and Daisy are awaiting, snail-agog and ready to do their chicken duty
7) Primrose and Daisy grab the snails with their efficient beaks and smack the heads of the aforesaid snails hard - thwack, thwack, THWACK - on whatever hard surface is immediately available e.g a rock or next-door but one's ginger cat
8) Primrose and Daisy eat snails - nom, nom, nom!
9) I pick almost ripe strawberries because there is more rain forecast for tomorrow and there is NO WAY I am coming home from work to find the snails have been having a strawberry feast in my absence
10) I take strawberries indoors, give them a jolly good wash and Andy and I eat them - nom, nom, nom!

In the distance the sound of snailhead thwacking on stone can be heard, as comforting as the sound of willow on leather which I understand is a cricketing term and not a euphemism for some dodgy behind-the-net-curtain activity.

I am sorry if this all sounds too bloodthirsty and goulish for words, but 'tis the natural order of things.

And it wouldn't have to be the natural order of things at all if the sodding snails would leave my strawberries alone.

5 comments:

rusty duck said...

Do P&D like strawberries too?

Julie @Dragonfly Gems said...

Just come across your blog and am now a follower.
I am going to wander through your blog and read more.
Julie :o)

Denise said...

We do indeed like strawberries, Jessica! We especially like strawberries with slug 'n' snail topping! Primrose and Daisy x

Welcome to Much Malarkey Manor, Julie! Hope you enjoy your stay and find a little something that will bring a smile.

Countryside Tales said...

Mavis, Ruby and Mrs Peckham send their regards to Primrose and Daisy and would like to know whether they also eat slugs? Because Mavis, Ruby and Mrs Peckham all turn their beaks up at slugs and indeed look at me as if I've committed a gastro faux pas of monstrous proportions by offering them

Denise said...

Dear Mavis, Ruby and Mrs Peckham,

We don't like the big fat slugs with orange bottoms. They are grossness of the highest level of grossisity.

However, we don't object to the teeny tiny black sluglets, but that is mostly because we have gobbled-do-doo-deed them down before we've realised what they are.

Apparently, they taste like chicken, but we couldn't possibly comment.

Thank you for you kind interest in our slug eating habits. Our favourite food remains Pasta a la Grape Rouge avec sunflower et mealworm gratin.

Chicken kisses and hen hugs and up the eggs!

Primrose and Daisy xx