Sunday, 25 August 2013


It is the Universal law when parking in a car park, like for example at Sainsbugs, that another vehicle at least 10 times the size of your own car will park next to you, leaving you either a) no clear view to get out of the parking space or b) no room to open your door or boot. This ALWAYS happens. No exceptions.

 I have a tiny car. When I park it in a car park I ALWAYS return to find a Sherman Tank parked on one side and an articulated pantechnicon on t'other. It is a source of great annoyance to me, as Andy will testify. 

And if I were to up the size of my transport to, say, a bus, then I would find myself trapped by two double-decker buses and probably a helicopter for good measure. I have no intention of upping my car size. I think overly large vehicles are unnecessary unless you are moving sheep.

Well, it transpires this Universal law manifests itself in places other than car parks. In gyms, for example. 

Andy has rejoined the gym. He has been humming and aahhing about it for a while, and Heather has been actively encouraging him because she gets a free month's membership every time she recommends the gym and the recommendee joins up. So far she has earned 4 free months. She has a very persuasive sales technique.  It hasn't worked on me though. I belonged to the gym once. Didn't like it. I figured why pay good money on going somewhere to sweat buckets and suffer pain when I could sweat buckets baking cakes in the kitchen for free. And let's face it, in a pain versus cake dance off, you'd go for the cake. Wouldn't you???

I digress. Andy went to the gym. He has been four days on the trot which is very impressive but I think he feels slightly threatened by the look in my eye that says, 'Three hundred of our finest English pounds have left our joint account for this membership. Do you know how much cake could be bought for three hundred pounds? You had better use this membership, pal, or else.' I haven't decided what the 'or else' could be yet. To be honest I am so Summer School knackered at the moment I can't think beyond the next cup of tea and who is doing what in The Archers.

I digress. Again. So Andy came back from gyming yesterday. And he reported thusly that despite there being a whole row of empty running machines (parking spaces), and despite him choosing the one next to the wall (trolley park), within two minutes of him starting his warm up walk, a thin, wiry, short man appeared, leapt onto the machine directly next to his, and began a-galloping like a mad man pursued by bears.

I pointed out that if the analogy was to be in keeping then the running machine would have had to be occupied by the love child of the Incredible Hulk and King Kong. Andy countered with the argument that is was still a big/small parking thing regardless of who was there first, and I concurred with his argument, not because I agreed completely but because I wanted him to stop dripping gym moistness on the hall floor.

And thinking about it, Flora Bijou Mybug (tiny) always makes a bee-line for Phoebe (enormous) - never the other way around.

Flora was stalking Phoebe this morning. I said, 'Flora Bijou Mybug, I would counsel against your rash stalking. Phoebe is asleep. She is hard of hearing. She is built like a bowling bowl. I cannot be responsible for what may happen if you make her jump.'

And Flora, with all the exuberance of youth and inexperience said, 'I am a mere kittenling. I have no concept of the big and small. Life is an adventure! Get out of my way!!'


Countryside Tales said...

We had a drink in a pub years ago (it wasn't the only time: we have been known to go since then). Pub was empty. Two people came in and sat AT THE END of our table. So can we please add pubs to the list of parking space analogies too?

rusty duck said...

Well done Andy if he keeps it up. Hate gyms too. I went twice and then got my money back.