Anxiety

It's been a horrible week at school. We've been subject to a pretend Ofsted. And I have gone from being graded as outstanding to having notice to improve. How can that be? How can my standards have dropped so dramatically in the space of two months?

The answer, of course, is that they haven't. And I know this but it doesn't stop me thinking that suddenly I am a rubbish teacher.

This is the devil in teaching. You are constantly under scrutiny. You are constantly  having to justify your professionalism to everyone - senior management, parents, students. You are constantly being bombarded with new initiatives, the latest being 'collaborative planning' which basically means teachers like me who are conscientious and organised pick up the slack for those who are lazy and counting the hours until they can go home. You are constantly being given more and more things to do and no time in which to do them. You are denied lunch breaks and tea breaks. You find yourself working longer hours every week just to try and keep afloat, let alone make progress.

For the last week we have been required to hand our lesson plans in to senior management every morning, because they don't trust us to be professional. The plan has to be on a specific planning sheet. Each plan takes me 20 minutes to complete in full, which adds another hour and twenty minutes to my work load each day. And this is the worst bit. We have been told that everyone in the department must comply for a whole week. And if we don't all comply, if someone refuses, then we all have to carry on until everyone does as they are told.

Yes, folks, there is someone in the department who is refusing to comply. And whilst he refuses, the rest of us must suffer. It's like keeping the whole class in for detention because one kid is being naughty.

And so I came home from school yesterday and I cried. A lot. I can't do this any more. I don't want to do this any more. I'm not going to do this any more. I am going to resign. I am going to find something else to.

Perhaps I was never meant to be a teacher in the first place. You know the saying - 'Those who can't, teach.'

Well, I would add that those who can't teach become Ofsted inspectors.

And some how they think it's okay to demean a perfectly good teacher until that teacher feels so bad about how their job is making their life a misery that they decide to leave the profession. It's not just me. Read any related teaching websites and you'll see this happening all over the country.

I thought the Much Malarkey Manor Adventure was going to be the house sale and move (and finally our agent has put a For Sale board in the front garden - it's only taken them 4 weeks to arrange this but then it is hand carved from rare mahogany and inlaid with precious jade and diamonds).

But it seems the Adventure extends to another aspect of my life. The Career. The Job. The Putting Money in the Bank to Pay the Bills.

Ah well. If you're going to have stress you might as well get it all over and done with in one happy bundle!