Saturday, 1 December 2012

Advent Day 1

'What is that?' says Primrose.
'An Advent colander,' says Daisy.
'And for what purpose exactly?' says Primrose.
Daisy shrugs. 'Straining the Advent vegetables?' she suggests.

Primrose sighs. 'Why?' she says. And under her breathe she mutters, 'Idiot chicken.'

Daisy sighs back because she is bigger and the two of them still haven't quite decided who is Hen-in-Charge at the Manor. Primrose often tells Daisy to 'back down!' and Daisy says, 'I can't back down,' and Primrose says, 'Why?' and Daisy says, 'Because I am BIGGER!' and Primrose says, 'So what?' and thus the status quo remains.

Anyway, back to colanders.

'You told me to get an Advent Colander,' says Daisy. 'I distinctly remember you saying, 'It's the first of December tomorrow - get an Advent colander.'

'Calender, you moron!' says Primrose. 'Advent CALENDAR! How are we supposed to count down to Christmas with a giant vegetable strainer?'

'Well,' says Daisy, 'I thought it was a bit odd when you said it, but I just thought you'd forgotten to take your medication.'

The two hens stare at the colander.

'The trouble with colanders,' says Daisy, 'is that they are lacking doors with pictures behind them.'

'And it's our first Christmas,' says Primrose. 'We have to do things properly, don't we?'
'Indeed,' says Daisy.

'Can I interrupt?' I say, as I have been eavesdropping the conversation.
'Would it make any difference if we said, 'No' ?' say Primrose and Daisy.
'No,' I say, 'as I am the one who is doing the typing. You could always make an Advent Calender.'

Primrose and Daisy stare at each other as if I had suggested they knit reindeer from spaghetti.
'Make an Advent calender?' they say. 'Make it???'
'Yes,' I say.

The two hens scurry into the corner and form a judgely huddle. There is much whispering, and glancing back at me, and at one point Primrose twirls a wing around the side of her head and whistles, in a 'what a looney,' kind of way which I think is incredibly rude.

Eventually, they return. 'Okay,' they say. 'We'll be back in five. Possibly ten.'

Half an hour passes, and then two very smug looking hens return carrying a box crudely wrapped in Christmas paper.
'This is our Advent Box,' they say. 'Every day there will be an Advent Surprise in it. And you have to guess what it is?'
'A llama?' I say.
'What?' says Daisy, because I think I am a bit quick off the block with my first guess and take her by surprise.
'Quiche?' I suggest.
'Stop,' says Primrose. 'We have to give you a clue.'
'A pair of dungarees?' I shout. I'm enjoying this Advent Box guessing malarkey.
'Shut up!' screeches Primrose, and I find my face covered in the white and surprisingly muscular wing of Daisy.

'First we give you a clue, and then you guess, okay?' says Daisy. 'Got it?'
I nod.
'Good,' says Primrose. Daisy removes her wing from my face and I remain obediently silent. 'Here is the clue...ahem...'I am big and round and full of currants and sugar. What am I?'

'A chicken?' I say.
'Oh, it's going to be a long haul until Christmas Eve,' sighs Primrose. 'I'm a pudding.'
'If you say so,' I say.

And thus ends the first day of the Primrose and Daisy Advent Colander...er, calender.

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