Friday, 14 December 2012

Advent Day 14

I arrive home today to find Primrose and Daisy sitting on top of the Christmas Tree which is still in the garden and being buffeted by some truly gusty winds.

'We're pinning it down so it doesn't fly away!' they shout.
'I don't think the tree is going to fly away,' I say.
'It might!' shouts Daisy, who is wearing a fetching lady-pilot outfit of helmet, goggles and white silk scarf.
'It should be inside the house by now,' shouts Primrose who is wearing a less fetching outfit of boiler suit and rubber gloves because she has been giving the drains a pre-Christmas flush through.
'Don't you start,' I say. 'Heather has been asking when we're bringing the tree indoors. And can you come down now, please? I refuse to talk to you any more whilst you are up there.'

The hens, somewhat reluctantly I feel, descend the tree, and Daisy points me in the direction of today's Advent Box. I am very excited about today's box, because even now, as I report the event, I still don't know what I am going to find therewithin.

(No, really. I don't. I know I am writing this series of Advent anticipation, but today I am a) tired b) lacking inspiration and c) tired. I haven't a clue what's going on.)

'Open it! Open it!' says Daisy, all excited like.
'Okay, okay,' I say. 'What's the hurry?'
'Mere curiosity in whether you can come up with some vaguely creative in the next 5 seconds,' says Primrose.

I open the Advent Box.

And inside is an ocelot.

'An ocelot?' says Primrose. 'I don't remember putting an ocelot into the box.'
'I think we would have remembered putting an ocelot in the box,' says Daisy.
'Indeed,' says Primrose.
'I have written 'ocelot' because it is the first thing that came into my head,' I say. 'Don't ask why.'
'Why?' says Daisy.
'I said, don't ask why,' I say.
'I'm not asking why to the ocelot,' says Daisy. 'I am saying why to the asking of why.'

I think my face has now assimilated an air of confusion. I know my brain got left behind around line 5 of this blog. Oh, I'm soooo tired...

The ocelot, meanwhile, is sitting on the kitchen floor eyeing up the cat food. I can tell it is thinking,
'Dried biscuits? Where's the antelope?'
'I'm vegetarian,' I say, which, now I've said it, sounds slightly ridiculous.
'Oh well,' says the ocelot. 'If there is no antelope to be had, I'm off to Nandos.'

And off it saunters.

'If you didn't put the ocelot in the box,' I say, 'what did you put in there?'
Primrose looks at Daisy, who looks at Primrose, and they both look at me.
'A Christmas duckling,' says Primrose.
'You put a duckling in a box with an ocelot?' I say, immediately sensing a flaw in the plan.
'The ocelot was not of our doing,' says Daisy. 'The ocelot is your doing.'
'So where's the duckling?' I say.
The hens shrug their shoulders. Well, where their shoulders would be if hens had shoulders.

Then...

'There it is!' shouts Primrose, and points with her wing to where a Christmas bauble is sitting on the kitchen work top.
'That's a Christmas bauble,' I feel obliged to point out. 'You said it was a duckling.'

'Did I?' says Daisy. 'I meant bauble.'

Dear reader, I am going to bed now. You see, having completed 13 Days of Advent, I felt I couldn't let you down by missing out Day 14. Unfortunately, this means that today you have been offered a goodly pile of drivel.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

As soon as I've found the Christmas Duckling.

3 comments:

doodles n daydreams said...

Still giggling, still enjoying.

Diana

Vera said...

You might have been tired, but this was really funny. Hope you are rested now, and keep going with the Advent Box saga. I look forward to reading it every day.

Denise said...

Diana, thank you! Give a little happiness, get a little happiness, that's what I say.

Vera, as a fellow writer, you will appreciate that some of our most creative moments arrive in the disguise of panic and desperation! Glad you are enjoying the Days of Advent, and I hope your cold clears up soon.